Whatto! All you people out there...............
I must admit that I am currently under the influence of several litres of fermented currents - having been the happily unexpectxed hosts to our wonderfully beautiful and talented friends J & S and our delicious and heartwarming parents B&H...............
And it was while I was languishing in the 'Spa Terminal' with the male one of my very good friends that my logical masculine mind came to the conclusion that:
Men Are Just Happier People!
Just think about it..............For a start! Your last name stays put!
The garage (or shed / spare room) is all yours! (Lucky barsteward!)
Wedding plans will certainly and miraculously take care of themselves!
Chocolate is just another snack - usually just behind the olives!
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics will often tell you the truth.
No matter how far you roam - The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because "This one seems too Yuccky"!
You don't have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt (Years of fiddling with nuts can suddenly come in handy here!)
You know - deep down - that if you continue to do the same work......... you will - eventually - get more pay.
You begin to believe that wrinkles add 'character'.............
And suddenly realise that people never stare at your chest when you're talking to them! (Apparentl it's a girl thing!)
New shoes always cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
You tend to have just one mood............. all of the time.
Telephone conversations are over in about 24 seconds flat.
You seem to know a great deal of 'stuff' about engines and machines.
When you decide to go on a five-day holiday you require just the one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars (Yum! those spicy pickles!)
You deserve (and get) extra credit for even the slightest acts of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is £3.95 for a three-pack (Maximum price).
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough for any lifetime!
You never have problems with your 'straps' whilst in public.
You are entirely unable to see the phenomenon known as 'creases' in any of your clothes.
Everything on your face at the start of the day stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades - maybe even a lifetime!
In an emergency you only have to shave your face and neck.
You get to play - all your life - with amazing equipment that lots of apparently 'sane' people describe as 'toys'.
One wallet and one pair of shoes is all you require in life......(Though you try dressing like this on your next visit to Tesco's)....................
There IS really only one colour for all seasons........and it's beige!
You really and genuinely believe that you can wear shorts............. no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails quickly and efficiently...........with a pocket knife.
You have complete freedom of choice concerning the growing of your own moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 24 relatives on December 24 in 24 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!
Tallyho! .............and "Cheers!" to all men!!
Best wishes - Lord Noel
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