Lord Noel on To Be or Not To Bee

Whatho! Pepys...

This explains everything!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel As Smooth As Ever

Whatho! Pepys...

I now have several pet silk worms

and today I am organising 

for four of them to have a race...

...I'm hoping it's going to end up in a tie.

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel on Ghia

What ho! Pepys..

As one who is constantly at one with nature

and who frequently goes tree hugging skyclad
(it's just that blue suits me)

I genuinely believe that it's important to respect your elders...

...but the other trees can piss off!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel on Relationships

What ho! Pepys...

There's definitely a real chemistry between Lady Jacqueline and myself. 

But it wasn't always like that between us....

When I first met her and I woke up covered in test tubes...

...I knew I really should've asked her to clarify what she meant...

...when she said she "liked to experiment in bed."
Nonetheless, at that stage in my development...

...I liked to experiment a bit too.

On one occasion I remember quite vividly...

accidentally creating the Philanderer's Stone. 

Which is why I'm now immoral.

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Visits The Zoo

What ho! Pepys...

 

Are you a Zoophile? Well you should be ashamed of yourself! Today there was a serious incident at our local zoo. One animal was shot and a cage was also set on fire. Police say the culprit has been apprehended after they found a smoking Gnu

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel's Message

Whatto! Pepys...

 

We can all change the world.
It is simple.
We can begin today, now, by simply considering and acting wherever we can.
If... we plant fruit trees, there will be free fruit for people and increasing oxygen levels. 

The ecosystem will flourish.
If… we grow edible gardens instead of monoculture grass, especially in cities and towns. Many parks will have edible gardens as leisure zones. 

People will interact more with the Earth and each other. Friendship will blossom.
If… we begin to share our resources, really share. Invite others to share shopping trips, create food co-ops, gardens, allotments, share fuel…
Don’t be frightened to share…our existence on Earth is not a competition.
If…we nurture compassion and kindness then all abundance and contentment will follow.
If…we stop blaming our parents and society for all that is not right in our world and instead, take the problems, one by one and try to address them - then we will make progress.
Blame changes nothing.
If…we realise that destiny is about choice, and that each choice generates an energy and how we direct that energy creates the consequences we then live with.
We are all sacred souls on a journey. 

Your journey. 

Your choice to change the world you inhabit it for the better.
If…we understand the power within us and how we speak that power we also understand that words are powerful…uplift others with your words today…and good energy will return to you.

I read this powerful message here and I can feel the energy growing inside me already!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Gets Superstitious

What ho! Pepys...

I'm not normally superstitious but I consider it to be very bad luck when a black cat beats you up and steals your wallet.

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Goes To The Dogs

What ho! Pepys...

I have a very good friend who has recently purchased a dog.
Whenever he takes it out he finds that it keeps barking at Common People.
It turns out he's bought a Jarvis Cocker Spaniel.
Speaking of Dogging...
Tonight I'm orf to my first "Doggers Anonymous" meeting.
I'm just wondering whether it would okay to phone them up...
... to ask about the car parking arrangements?


Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel on Modelling

Whatto! Peeps...

I've just finished 

my self-assembly model 

of the Greek god of shepherds.
It took longer than I expected because there was a blockage in some of the pipes
but now it's finally complete 

I love it... when a Pan comes together.

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord noel

Lord Noel on 'Killing - The Humane Way'

What ho! Pepys...

Always remember to put full fat cheese into your mouse traps. 

That way, if the trap doesn't get them...

...the cholesterol will.

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel High Seas Creatures

Whatto! Peeps....

When I discovered that some of the eels went electric...
I was totally shocked

And just when I thought things really couldn't get any worse...

...along came the conga

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel On Mother Nature

What ho! Pepys...

There are many reasons why we should stop trying to control Mother Nature 

and leave her to do what she thinks best.

Here's a True Salutary Lesson to illustrate my point....

To treat a malaria outbreak in Borneo in the 1950s,

the World Health Organization (W.H.O) sprayed DDT to kill mosquitoes. 
But the DDT also killed the parasitic wasps which were controlling thatch-eating caterpillars.
As a result, the thatched roofs of many homes fell down,

and the DDT-poisoned insects were eaten up by geckoes,

which were in turn eaten by cats.

The cats perished from the poison they consumed by eating the geckoes, which led to the multiplication of rats, 

and then outbreaks of sylvatic plague and typhus.
To put an end to this destructive chain of events, 

W.H.O had to parachute 145,000 live cats into the area to control the rats.

Now...Tell me again - who knows best?

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel's Elephantynism!

What ho! Peeps....

People have often said to me...

..."Lord Noel - you've got the memory of an elephant!"

And this morning I proved them all correct...

...when I remembered to eat a banana...

...with my nose.

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel on The Tree Brides

Whatto! Peeps...

These mysterious trees look wonderfully unreal...

...swathed in the grey veils of a grieving bride...

...but they are a practical solution to an overwhelming problem which occurred in 2010.

When the village of Sindh in Pakistan, India was hit by a flood 

that reached a height of twenty feet above normal sea levels.

Now the water has subsided....

...but the veils remain...

...and deep within them sit the creatures which fashioned these splendidly gothic adornments...

..the spiders!...

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel on Platypusii

Whatto! Naturalists...

It Swims Too!

Today I would like to touch on a small but fascinating creature.

The Platypus (Ornithorhynchus anatinus).

This is a semi-aquatic mammal endemic to eastern Australia, including Tasmania 

and a mammal which both lays eggs and produces milk.

It is therefore one of the few animals..

that can make..

...its own custard.

This explains it perfectly!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel on Being Par For The Course

Whatto! Peeps...

Now that one of my gorgeous daughters is old enough (and keen enough) to want to play golf, I took time to sit her down and tell her this true Golfing story - exactly as it happened to me...

I was on the first part of a dog leg to the twelfth hole when I hit my ball into the woods. When I went to search for my ball I found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups.

I was trying to get my ball back into play on the fairway but kept mishitting the ball and ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden? POOF!! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared!

She said to me, 'I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life...  better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.... As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!'

Then POOF!... she was gone!

After I'd recovered from the shock and checked my hip flask to see exactly how much Brandy I'd swallowed since the tee orf, I suddenly remembered my golfing partner Algie and shouted out to him, 'Algie!... where are you?'

Algie yelled back 'I'm over here in the pussy willows.'

I immediately shouted back, 'For Goodness sake Algie! DON'T SWING!!!'

And that's how I came to enjoy a low fat diet AND discover that Mother Nature DOES exist!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel asks "Is Tree Really a Crowd?"

Whatto! Peeps...

This hackneyed metal sculpture, may seem insignificant enough at first glance...
...but it comes at the end of a very long story...one lasting since the beginning of creation!
Fast forward to 1973... a drunk Libyan truck driver has an accident.  He is driving around in the Nigerien (as in Niger, not Nigeria) part of the Sahara Desert, as close as one gets to being in the middle of nowhere (see this map) when he hits a tree.  The driver isn't badly injured....but the tree is knocked down.

In almost all cases, a uprooting of a tree in this manner would be unfortunate, but hardly tragic.  But this was a special case.  The tree, called the Tree of Ténéré was the last tree around for 250 miles!

How it used to look

How did it get there?  The Sahara was not always as dry as it is today, and probably over a century ago (if not much longer), a group of trees grew where the Tree of Ténéré until recently grew.  Over time, given the extremely dry and isolated location of the trees, all the trees save one weathered away.  The final tree survived via a complex, deep-running root system which hit the water table a ridiculous 33-plus meters below ground level.  (In fact, a 130 foot deep well was built near the Tree of Ténéré as a man-made oasis in the middle of barren wasteland.)

The tree is now on display at the Niamey Museum (the national museum of Niger), having been moved there in November of 1973, just months after its demise.
And at its original location....
...is the sculpture you see above.

I wonder if all our trees will end up this way?

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel's Songs for the STARS!

Whatto! Peeps....

Following on from my evening on the beach chanting to our Sun....

...I have continued searching for other suitable 'Astronomical songs'....

...and have come up with the following:

We're only making plans for Rigel

Things can only get Beta

Venus in blue jeans

Tell Aurora I love her

Saturn on the dock of the bay

I won't let the sun go down on me

Remember you're a wormhole

Let's get Sirius

Strings can only get better

These Bootes were made for walking

Love will Taurus apart

Leda of the pack

Living next door to Arcturus (Arcturus! Who the f***'s Arcturus?!)

I'm forever blowing Hubble's (telescope)

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Shows You His Tits

Whatto! Peeps.....

   I love Nature and I love it even more....... when nature loves me.....

....and recently we were thrilled by the company of some beautiful blue tits which came to our kitchen window....

One in particular was extremely insistent...
...tapping on the glass with it's tiny little beak....

...and excitedly flying up and down alot.....
...a bit like a cross between a humming bird and a tit.....
...maybe a 'hit'?
Then I figured out what was going on....

...we have a line of small red lights on the windowcil and they obviously thought they were ripe berries.....

It was amazing to be able to take these pictures from only about six inches away...
...it seemed completely at ease with me being so close....
 ...and it just kept on tap tap tapping and tapping away with his little beak....
...just tapping and tapping away....
...tap tap tap....
...tipppety tippety tap...
...tappity tipppety.....
....tappity tep tep tepp....

....so I shot it.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel says "Timing is .......Every...............thing"

Whatto! Peeps...
Don't know if you've seen this but it's a perfect way of showing that the phrase is true........
.....a split second later or earlier and these images wouldn't have had the impact they do...
...so enjoy the serendipity which has been made possible by our digital age....
Whether it's falling down the stairs....

...or trying a little too hard to impress the ladies....

It seems that Sporting events are a rich source to tap into....

Reg finally showed why he was regarded as the world's greatest winger....

Remind me now.....do I suck or blow?

Keep your eye on the ball

He's got nothing but baseball on his mind....

The Nancy Brothers do their best to counter attack...

Two rugged sportsmen enjoying some quality time together

Ditto

Unfair tactics are applied by the 'underarm fetishists' against the 'I like to be licked' team

...or maybe it's just relatively normal life.......

The split second before Grandad realises he's been done

Ever wondered why you really enjoy coke?

Snorting coke just ain't cool

That captured moment of a ride with more spills than thrills

When your friend finally becomes the dick you always said he was

When the phrase "Ride'em on the ripples" suddenly makes sense

When Jesus Junior wants to use your pool

When you can't see what someones saying

When you laugh so hard that milk comes out of your nose

....or maybe the source is one that, at first, seems completely natural....

Happy Flockers

Man on the moon

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel