Friday 30 September 2011

Lord Noel on Playing With Your Food and Other Handy & Convenient Household Items Part 1

Whatto! Peeps...

Do you ever get bored whilst you're eating?
Well don't forget how much fun you had when you were a child...

Playing with your food whilst Mamma was away for hours on end
retuning her trombone in the potting shed..


...and Dadda was busy oiling his linguini in the attic

One can start off almost immediately with food...
...which you probably already have very conveniently stored in your cupboards

Then move on to ordinary household items ...
like tooth paint and eyebrow trimmers
which everyone should have plenty of


...then move on to things like dancing queen squares...
to recreate an authentic Disco ambiance in a simple cardboard box
or 'Happy Meal' and I like to call them


...and then why not go back to food again?..
this time something vegetarian perhaps?
to satisfy the hatred you share for vegetables and fruit?


...and it doesn't need to be expensive food either...
Lady Jacqueline and myself have managed to keep each other 
amused for several days with just a simple banana
or two...


Keep Up The Good Work!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Thursday 29 September 2011

Lord Noel on the 'Circle of Hope'

Whatto! Peeps...


 The British Government has today announced that it is planning to change our national emblem from a Union Flag (which has become maligned by extremist groups like the National Front) to a red, white and blue 'Circle of Hope'. It will be promoting the new symbol using newly produced condoms.
A Government spokesperson said "Patriotic Condoms will be used to promote the 'Circle of Hope' idea because they more accurately reflect the Government’s political stance."
This is unquestionably accurate as a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Wednesday 28 September 2011

Lord Noel and the Mohican Girl

Whatto! Peeps...

I was watching a teenage girl sitting next to me on a bench.

She had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue.

I looked at it in wonderment at the amount of time and effort that she must have put in to make it look like that.

She suddenly looked around at me and noticed I was staring and said sarcastically "What's the matter mate, never done anything wild in your life?"

And I replied "Well, I got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you might be my child."
 

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Tuesday 27 September 2011

Lord Noel on Copious Folliculosity

Whatto! Peeps...


No doubt you are aware of my growing attachment to things follicle.

I must reassure you that this interest is in no way influenced by those two Jedward boys.

How to tell them apart...One has his mouth open


My 'Joy of Hair' began a long, long time ago ...when I was a youth.

Jedward's Grandad shows off his amazing cranium

In an era when hair gave way to BIG hair....
...which, in turn, gave way to BIG breasts

This album was superseded by 'Dolly's Greatest tits'

Hair...The favoured accessory for all fashion designers

What can happen if you say "I want hair like Dolly's"

Hair completely transforms us in an instant...
..sometimes into something completely unique

What Parking problem?

It allows us to stand out from the crowd at the local dance...
...well?...do ya wanna dance?

Vince hated ceiling fans

And to commune safely within the animal kingdom...

Growl!....Eeeeek!

If you are someone who enjoys walking in the countryside...
it can also be a very convenient place...
...to keep a large picnic

Hairy Sandwich anyone?

Hair can make you attractive to the opposite sex...
...even if you're too shy to actually look at them...

"Does my hair look ok?"..."I don't know - I can't look!"

But don't forget that growing your hair long can also affect the Economy...
...forcing unemployed hairdressers to resort to alternative...
...and sometimes quite painful career choices

A true Pellaqueeria

It's still not too late to join the 'Hairy Revolution'!

...but please bring a brush!

Norton soon realised his hair made him extremely hot stuff

My one regret in life is that I didn't keep all the tons of hair I've shed during my lifetime and use it to make a sixteen story statue of myself!

Oh wait!........I did!


Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Monday 26 September 2011

Lord Noel's Thought For Today

Whatto! Peeps...

Here's something I learned from a singer
who was also an old girlfriend
...she really had a thing for me...
...no I mean she REALLY had a thing for me!...

She said...
"Lord Noel there ain't no mountain high enough, 
ain't no valley low enough, 
ain't no river wide enough...
...so the restraining order is useless!" . . .


Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Sunday 25 September 2011

Lord Noel on The Christ Story

Whatto! Peeps...


Jesus cures is own heart burn

I finally found it!
'An Idiot's Guide to Christianity'...
...it's called the Bible
...and one thing it says is that the 'meek shall inherit the earth'. 
This will be mainly because it will be so ruined by then 
that nobody else will want it...
and the only one's who won't dare say anything 
will be the meek.

Jesus performs the 'Miracle of the invisible cigar'

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Friday 23 September 2011

Lord Noel on Lord Noel

Whatto! Peeps...



Aren't I GORGEOUS?!

You're Welcome!

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Goes To Visit God

Whatto! Peeps...


I like to explore the local area....
....and with the weather remaining quite kind, it's been very pleasant to see what's on offer nearby.
We stopped off at a lovely little Church made of the local flint stone....



No Letterbox!....Coz even 'The Almighty' hates junk mail

I waited here for ages for some fries....


...giving each of them that distinctive 'Norfolk' look.

Norfolk...The Birthplace of the Flintstones

This picture was driving me up the wall


Shy God gives me a sign!...Well....a flash....


Don't waste money on expensive headstones...Nature always wins!


The ubiquitous and peacful graveyard supplied us with plenty of food for thought...
...from the really old stones....


Tea anyone?

Have a seat on the bench...or perhaps you'ld prefer a lie down?



I find myself wondering how many legs this lady actually had...

An earlier casualty of our notorious local waterways


An unmarked grave hidden away in a corner....with artificial flowers that had a distinctly 70's look

...to the more recent additions....
...and we even discovered that one corner of this graveyard has it's own Disneyland!

Disneyland on our doorstep!?...And not a single queue in sight


Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Thursday 22 September 2011

Lord Noel on Hardened Thieves

Whatto! Peeps...


I've remained silent for long enough!
So I'll have to just come out with it and say...
...Kleptomaniacs who steal mirrors and viagra...
...should take a long hard look at themselves!

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Wednesday 21 September 2011

Lord Noel Asks "Did You Know?"

Whatto! Peeps...

Did You Know?

That every problem
has a solution,
deep deep down
at the root,
and if you get closer
you will see it... 
...oh great!...
..now you've stood on it!

You're welcome!

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel