Lord Noel on The Wisdom Of Older Personages

Whatto! Peeps...

Women will realise it too...but apparently they weren't at this particular meeting.

My lovely old Grandmother was very wise (I'm told I take after her), and her face was incredibly creased and lined (I'm told I don't take after her) so much so, that she often reminded me of an old native American (or as we preferred in those days 'an Indian').
She was very outspoken and would often share what was on her mind about important issues of the day.
I'll always remember sitting beside her when I was young...
...hoping she would tell me something important so that I too could feel grown up and clever like her.
One day, as she was supping slowly on her favourite glass filled with bottled Guinness...
...and drawing deeply on an unfiltered Woodbine cigarette...
...which I had bought for her as 'singles' taken from an opened packet...
...and sold to me by a man from a van which was permanently parked at the end of her road...
(I was ten at the time)...
...she told me....
...in her beautiful Dublin accent which gave her voice a singing quality as she spoke...

"Lord Noel" she said...

..."In olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking...

...now heaven knows, anything goes...

...now feck off!"

And my goodness! How right she was!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Says "Monarchs!"

Whatto! Britishers.....

Our beautiful Queen Elizabeth.....
.... (the Second most beautiful Elizabeth).....
.....God Bless Her!.........

.......recently said that she was concerned about the rise in interest being shown by the populace in the British National Party...........

.....which has resulted in their improved showing in the polls.

As far as she's concerned there seems to be some "rascally behaviour" going on.   
In fact......she was so concerned.........

....that she paid for some research to be done by a Major Consultancy Firm.........

....."Just so one can find out what is going on." 

A couple of months later.....

...the Consultants filed their report to her and it said:

'Yes, things are quite bad in Britain; 95% of the people are misbehaving and only 5% are not."   

The Queen (our wonderful Monarch) thought for a moment and then said............ 

.....'Maybe one had better send for another Consultancy to get one another opinion.'   

So the lovely Queen of all of Great Britain (and a number of other delightful but slightly smaller places)......

.....had one of her Courtiers call another Consultant...........

.....and out the Consultant went.......

.....onto the streets of these fair isles.....

....with his trusty clipboard in his hand.  

And when the second Consultant returned his report it said....

....'Yes, it's true. Britain is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.' 

The Queen was, understandably, not best pleased........

"One is not best pleased" she said......

....(to anyone privileged enough to live - or be crawling - within earshot of her).

So............

.....after giving the situation some further thought.......
...and being the true leader that she so undoubtably is....

....she made a decision about what one should do......

.....and she decided that one should e-mail the 5% that were good.........

..... because "One wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.."  

And do you know what the e-mail said?

No.......

We didn't get one either!

Tallyho!

What would you like an email from Queen Liz to say to you?

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Dress With Finesse

Lord Noel's Pledge Of Friendship

What ho! Friends..........

The lovely Irish people of this World.....

......of which I am lucky enough to include myself.....

...have many 'Toasts' 'Promises' and 'Blessings' to suit all occasions...........

There are lots that actually speak of true friendship.

But they are often cute and a bit twee.......... held together with little smiley faces.

So I was pleased when I came across "The Pledge of Friendship"......

....because it just says it like it is!

This is for our Friends!

When you are sad -- I will help you get pi55ed and plot revenge against the ba5tard who made you sad.

When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile - I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

When you are scared -- I will take the pi55 out of you every chance I get .......until you're NOT scared any more.

When you are worried -- I will listen intently and then tell you stories about how much worse it could be until YOU STOP WHINING!

When you are confused - I will try to use only small words.

When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again....... I don't want whatever you have!

When you fall...... I will laugh at you, you clumsy ar5e.........but then I'll help you back up on your feet again.

This is my pledge to the very end. 'Why?' you may ask..........Because you are my friend.

What's YOUR favourite pledge?

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Lord Noel's Happy Saint Patricks Day!

Whatto! Irish people everywhere............ 

Today is a great day for getting together and having a good old laugh with like-minded people.......
And if you can amongst lots of irish people...........so much the better!
I was chatting with Padraig and Connor last night in a bar when the conversation got round to death........
Connor said that he had a special bottle of vintage Irish whiskey set aside for when he died......
.....and then he turns to Padraig and asks him......... "Would you do me the honour, as my life-long friend, of pouring this beautiful spirit that I've kept for so long over my grave once they've put me into the ground?"
Padraig replies "Connor!......I'm so touched that you should ask me to do such a beautiful thing for you........and indeed.....I'd be happy to do it for you....... my good friend!"
Connor - with tears welling up in his eyes - says "Ah thank's Padraig......... sure that really means alot to me!"
"No problem" says Padraig......... "There's just one thing Connor......"
"What's that Padraig?" says Connor.......
"Well" says Padraig........."Do you mind if I strain it through my kidneys first?"

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline
Dress With Finesse

Lord Noel's Signs Of Sodom & Begorrah

Whatto everyone and top of the morning to you all!

Including all you little people - and NO I don't mean kids!.............

I'm talking to you little green fellas - the Leprachauns!

Fantastic news for everyone heading over to the Emerald isle between 8th Feb and 2nd March!

Follow your soul to the annual Ted Fest!!



Yes! Dozens of people will be heading for Craggy Island to recreate scenes from this famous sitcom................

Which is a woderful excuse for dressing up as a priest or a nun............

So expect to see lots of nuns behaving badly!

If you are easily shocked please scroll down quickly NOW!!



There's also the 'Toilet Duck' award for the best Comedy sketch!


Fun and games - all suitably naff - for anyone wishing to take part!

And after all the excitement of the day you can take yourself back to your hotel to let your hair down with the rest of the revellers.............
Over a nice cup of tea!!


But be careful out there!
There'll be Out of control Milkcarts!.................

.................. A 'Lovely Girl' Competition..................

where it is frowned upon for anyone to wear a skirt above their knees or too much makeup!

And I'm sure................... for any well balanced ADULTS who are attending............

there'll be lot's of lovely Irish Bars full of smooth Guinness..............

and nice local people to talk to.................


That sounds like a great Craic!
Have a lovely time everyone!

I'm orf to find myself a priests outfit!!

Tallyho and Best Wishes!!

Father Noel xxx