Lord Noel Gives The Words Of The Lord

 What ho! Pepys.....

Here's another email I have received:

"Dear Lord Noel,

I am going on a Summer Holiday soon and intend to meet women whilst I am away. You seem like such a confident, good looking, intelligent, sophisticated and humorous young man and I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to approach beautiful women like Lady Jacqueline in order to woo them and form a lasting relationship with them,

Yours sincerely Xavier Klampdamp"

"Dear Xavier,

I was so suitably impressed with your complimentary email that I was unable to resist your plea for assistance. Although I don't like blowing my own trumpet (after all I have a Lady to do that for me...) I have heard that one simply cannot fail to impress a female by using ANY of the following 'passion passes'....

....so please - use them sparingly or you may find yourself well and truly inundated with amorous women....all clamouring for a slice of your manhood!

You have been warned!.....

Oh my God! There must be something wrong with my eyes! I can't take them off you!

You're so hot, you're actually melting the plastic in my underwear.

I must say that's lovely jewelry you're wearing. It would look great on my bedside cabinet.

Pardon me (as you grab a handful or her rear end), is this seat taken?

I say!...Didn't we not go to different schools together? (Highly effective at the end of the night when booze is clouding rational thought processes)

Let me fill you up!....Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?

I'm just  wondering if you'd like to know what it feels like to be with the most beautiful girl in this room?

I've had a tremendous amount to drink, and you're actually beginning to look totally hot.

Standing next to you I feel like Richard Gere; Pretty Woman.

Good Luck!"

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel