I often wondered why you were called 'Tiger'.....
You aren't exactly what I would call....
....a 'Raver'on the golf course..
..but NOW it all makes sense.
People are saying "Maybe he should change his name....
.... to 'Tomcat' or 'Cheetah' Woods?"
But I say "Hold On!"
....let's just think about this.....
You're a man who's made a living from.....
.... playing 18 holes each day....
.....so having Six girl friends makes perfect sense.
Actually I think it's interesting....
... that this has become main news......
....whilst one of the big issues...
... at the moment is global warming......
The earth may be getting hotter.....
....but apparently...
... there's at least one place on Earth....
......where the temperature is cooling DRAMATICALLY....
....and that's Tiger Woods bedroom.
Har! Har!
And now a comprehensive medical evaluation...
... of Tiger's injuries has been completed.....
.....a team of Doctors have concluded.....
....that Elin definately used a Sand Wedge.
I have been inspired by Tigers recent performance.....
....so I asked my good Lady wife...
...for the new set of golf clubs this Xmas....
.....I want the one's Tigers using.....
....they're called "Trangressions".....
.....they have a really stiff shaft.....
.....and over-sized heads.....
....but there's just one problem....
....they cost $55,000,000.
That's an extremely close shave....
...even by GILLETTE's standards!
I remember Tiger Woods...
... being interviewed last year.....
.....and he was asked...
... "What is your favourite golf course?"
We should have known what was in store...
...when he replied...
...'INTERCOURSE'!
I can just imagine the type of commentary...
... we'll be getting on TV now.....
..."After that last solid drive.....
...Tiger's ball's resting on the lip of the hole"......
..."Wo! Tiger really threw his hips into that one!".....
..."Over the last 5 hours Tiger...
... has put on an amazing display....
.....of deep powerful drives and sweet short strokes."
Seriously though....
....Tiger Woods was asked yesterday....
...if he had any regrets.
His wife said, "Yes he certainly does....
.....he wishes he was born with two penises!"
To which Tiger replied....
"FOUR!"
Tallyho!
Has a Tiger ever grappled with your nether regions?
Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline
Dress With Finesse
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