Lord Noel's New Year Resolutions

Whatto! Earthlings.....

In the odd but acceptable scheme of things.....

....today is regarded (for administration purposes only) as the final day of the year.

Tomorrow it will be 2010....

....and who knows what that will bring us all?

Everyone gets a little contemplative around now....

....analysing what has happened in the last twelve months....

.....and making decisions about the future....

...based on what they have learnt.

Even though I'm a Lord and obviously an extremely important and privileged person...

....I'm really just like many other ordinary persons in that respect.

So here are my own personal New Year's Resolutions for 2010......

Firstly.....

....I will stop digging large holes for horses to fall into.....

...it's not clever...

...and it wastes alot of time and resources.....

....for the Emergency Services 

Next....

I will stop putting superglue on small twigs....

...and then shouting "Look at the tits on that!"

I will also start giving monkeys proper hats to wear.....

...instead of those old bits of wood that I find lying around....

....and I promise in future I won't charge them either....

....after all....

....they earn peanuts.

 I will spend more time hanging around with 'like-minded' people.....

 ...instead of strapping meercats to my body....

 ....and pretending I'm a celebrity who's just been kicked out of the jungle.

I will also give up trying to hypnotise cows.....

...it clearly isn't working and....

...it's just embarassing for both of us....

I will also stop trying to find new 'safe sex' positions.......

....for animals who are clearly not Catholics.....

.....and who NEVER show much enthusiasm for my suggestions anyway.

 I will stop throwing small puppies.....

......over wire fences....

 ...just because it makes ME laugh!

I will stop hanging out with squirrels....

 .....they're lazy and all they want to do all day is lie around eating nuts....

 ....and I'M BETTER THAN THAT!

 I will stop confusing innocent tourists.....

 ....by stuffing dead goats....

 ...and balancing them in ridiculous positions on rocky outcrops.

And.....

....whatever medication I'm put on.....

...I will continue to enjoy life to the full!

 Tallyho!
Best Wishes for the New Year - Lord Noel