Lord Noel On Different Planets

Whatto! Couples......

I have been advised that the sexual urges of men and women differ a great deal.

Apparently it's all to do with Venus and Mars.

Personally....I think that's all just balls.

I remember some years ago learning a valuable lesson from a girlfriend at the time.

She and I were getting into bed.

Well, inevitably the passion started to heat up, but she said, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she said the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I bally well went to sleep.

The very next day I decided to take the day orf to spend time with her.

We went out for a nice lunch together and then went shopping at a very expensive department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her "Let's just buy them all."

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Why not get a pair for each outfit?"

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... She was so excited!

And so was I!

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when unfortunately she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I just said 'That's fine, Lily.....Maybe you can learn to play now?'

I'd never actually seen her that excited before - with her clothes on.

Smiling excitedly with anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No Darling, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Darling! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

We didn't have sex that night either..

......but I knew that I was so much smarter than her......

...(until she started writing popular songs about me).

Tallyho!

Have you ever pretended to spend loads of money on an ungrateful person who then went on to become quite well known?

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Dress With Finesse