What ho! Pepys....
My Dear wife Lady Jacqueline went out for a 'Lady night' with her lovely Lady friends.....
...looking particularly ravishing (as usual).
The next day she told me that she'd been sitting chatting with the girls....
...when a youngish Italian chappie came over to speak to her....
....naturally she was very flattered and was courteous enough to listen to what this handsome young chap had to say for himself....
...apparently it went something like this:
"Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it.
I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax. We go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally having got past this sexual tension we really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, and decide that our relationship is solid and stable.
So we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married. I get a promotion; you get a promotion; we buy a bigger house.
You really want kids, but I really want freedom; but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful.
The sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have some more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking reallly good care of yourself. My health suffers, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out - because I'm basically careless and a lousy liar. I decide to leave before you throw me out (justifiably so), and we have to explain to the kids why mummy and daddy are splitting up.
That's just too sad. Think about the children!
So, for God's sake, if you dance with me, and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because then we both know where it's going!"
I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax. We go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally having got past this sexual tension we really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, and decide that our relationship is solid and stable.
So we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married. I get a promotion; you get a promotion; we buy a bigger house.
You really want kids, but I really want freedom; but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful.
The sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have some more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking reallly good care of yourself. My health suffers, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out - because I'm basically careless and a lousy liar. I decide to leave before you throw me out (justifiably so), and we have to explain to the kids why mummy and daddy are splitting up.
That's just too sad. Think about the children!
So, for God's sake, if you dance with me, and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because then we both know where it's going!"
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel
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