Lord Noel On Getting In A Pickle

Whatto! Citizens....

Another testing week....

...and despite the wintery weather...

...we've all been working feverishly...

....to ensure that another Edition of our little newsletter.....

.....'The Teston Times'....

.....hits doormats all over the village....

....within which MY weekly 'Advice column'.........

.....remains firmly entrenched.......

......as an integral part of this work of great genius!

(Isn't it amazing where a little bit of bribery and corruption will get you? )

This weeks letter is from a gentleman named Bill - the Pickle Packer

Dear Lord Noel
I work in a local pickle factory. I have been employed there for a number of years when, one day during a bust shift I rang my wife and confessed to her that I had a terrible compulsion...... 
I told her "Darling...I find myself nursing an almost uncontrollable urge...to stick my 'man part' into the pickle slicer!"
My wife suggested that I should see a sex therapist and talk about it, but I said "No...I would be too embarrassed"......

So instead I am writing to you...

I vowed to overcome this compulsion with my own with sheer will power.....
But a couple of hours later, I came home....... 

My wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's seriously wrong, Bill?" she exclaimed.
I asked her "Do you remember earlier today that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my 'winkly chap' into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't!?" she cried in dismay.....
"Oh Yes, I did!" I burst out
"My God, Bill, what happened?" she pleaded
"I got fired." I replied
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired, too."

Dear Bill

Thank you for your letter....I too am interested in pickling! At the moment I too am embarked on a long-term pickling project which involves a liver....my own!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel