Whatto! Festive Folk!
With all the shenanigans of the last few weeks....
....I completed omitted to let you know about our Xmas..
..here at Virtual Manor....
I'd decked the Halls with boughs of holly....
...just as it suggests in the Festive song....
The Piano bar was also given the holly treatment....
And the Xmas trees were in pride of place.....
....festooned with gay lighting arrangements.....
(lovingly done by our gay interior designer Tarquin)
So we were both ready for a peaceful an happy Xmas at home....
"God Bless us one and all!" I called out....
...rather amusingly!
Har!
...rather amusingly!
Har!
I remembered to stock the bally bar up to the full.....
...in case of unexpected guests...
...or passing troubadours.....
I also made a Xmas wreath....
....with bits and pieces from the nearby woods....
....to hang by the front door...
...and I put up nearby our traditionally welcoming festive sign....
....which says "Carol Singers Welcome!"
Back inside the Manor..
....under our other Xmas tree.....
...were all my lovely presents!
I must admit to actually feeling a little disappointed....
...because I didn't seem to have as many presents as I had last year......
....then Lady J told me that was because....
....there's apparently a recession taking place somewhere nearby....
....(obviously in the land where they make Xmas presents!)
Anyway....
...Lady J and myself were just settling down for a nice glass of sherry....
...when there was a bally knock on the bally front door!
I went to answer it...
...and there stood a large group of Carol Singers...
...who were in full voice!
It was lovely to hear ....
....and all very Festive indeed!
I gave some cash to their 'leader'..
..(an older chap who I think they called Larry).....
...and he said to me "About your sign Lord Noel...."
I was curious and replied with an inquisitive "Yes?"
"Well" he continued..."It says 'Carol Singers are welcome!'.....
....but what is it exactly that we are welcome to?"
I said "Well my dear Larry...
....you're quite welcome to come inside....
....and warm yourselves up a bit for a start!"
And with that, they all piled inside to get warm....
...and soon they were all warm enough....
....to get rid of their coats.
"What else are we welcome to Lord Noel?"...
...said two rather fetching ladies from the group.....
"Wwwwell" I hesitated "You're welcome to some of our finest Sherry!"...
..."But you must first sing us some more of your splendid Carols!"
....and so they did!
I was really surprised at how good they were....
...and I couldn't help but join in with them....
......as they launched into "Noel Noel!"
(my absolute favourite!)
I think you can see from the look on their cheery little faces...
....that my contribution brought some of them close to tears....
Then suddenly Lady J appeared.....
....naturally enough dressed as an Elf....
...and suggested that our guests should be given some presents!
"Now steady on Lady J!" I said trying to laugh....
...but it was too late....
...the group cheered loudly at Lady J's announcement....
....and soon they were pulling wrapping paper orf....
...all over the bally place!
And then Larry called out....
..."Three cheers for Lord Noel and Lady Jacqueline!"
...and everyone cheered!
And then Larry said....
..."It is customary at this time of year......
....for us to award tokens of our regard.....
....to the people we find to be.....
....the most hospitable hosts!"
And they awarded us each with....
....traditional seasonal eyewear...
....traditional seasonal eyewear...
Which we were quite honoured to wear....
...as the Carol Singing continued....
....and a second bottle of our finest sherry disappeared....
They then awarded Lady Jacqueline with a prize.....
....for the "Best Host Costume"....
...which she was understandably thrilled with!...
...and it turned out to be....
...a Mushroom growing kit!
"How lovely!" She exclaimed....
....as I attempted to retrieve their coats for them to wear as they left....
"Would we be welcome to anything else at all Lord Noel?".....
...sang some of the group....
....in wonderful harmony....
....in wonderful harmony....
"Food!" shouted out Lady Jacqueline.....
(obviously still very overcome with her unexpected gift!)
And another loud cheer of "Hurray!" rang out!....
...as everyone made themselves very comfortable.....
...at OUR dinner table!
Luckily enough the kitchen staff had ensured....
....that there was plenty of food available.....
....and pretty soon everyone was pulling crackers and telling jokes....
....and polishing orf yet another bottle of our finest sherry....
Then someone suggested Poker!
....and being a bit of a self-proclaimed expert at Texas Hold-em....
....I saw this as a cunning opportunity....
....to make back some money from the collective throng.....
In fact...
...I was so confident in my abilities.....
...that I threw down a challenge.....
....(perhaps rather rashly)....
I said to everyone..
..."Ok people.....
...It is customary in this Manor house...
....for the person who loses....
....to wear a silly clowns outfit...
...as a forfeit...
.....for the rest of the evening!"
How I laughed inside with glee.....
....as they all took their seats around the poker table...
...some were not even sure of the rules!....
....and I amused myself by trying to work out....
...exactly which silly sap....
...would end up ....
...at the end of the game....
...dressed up...
...as a clown!
Har! Har!
Well! ..
With that I said to them "OK everyone! That's it!..
....the entertainment is over!...
...Would you all kindly get your coats....
....and allow us to have the rest of the evening in peace!"
And as they slowly got their coats on.....
...there was another knock at the bally door....
...but I quickly saw through this one's disguise!
It was old Larry....
...trying to sneak back in!
Har! Har! Har!
I laughed at his efforts....
...but nonetheless....
...I insisted that they now left....
...every last one of them!
(Which I can tell you....
...was NOT a popular decision!)
Soon after they had left.....
....and I was searching around the bar.....
.....for any of our remaining finest sherry that we might have left....
...when there was another knock at the door!!....
I looked out to make sure that the Carol Singers hadn't returned...
...but it wasn't them....
...so I opened the door...
....and there stood a Latvian chappie!
And he said to me in his Latvian voice....
"Lod Nol....ve av erd av yior jenerus beheavur....
....and ve vud lyke to pearfurm for zu boath!"
Wow! I was naturally thrilled to bits!
And when he told me how long it had taken to get here.....
...I was very moved!
Someone who travels all the way from Latvia in the back of a lorry....
...deserves at the very least.....
....to be allowed to come inside!
I motioned for him to enter The Manor....
....and he was quickly joined....
....by his merry band of travelling actors....
...who swiftly made themselves aquainted....
....with another bottle of...
...my finest sherry....
"In owa kantri..."
...said a lovely Latvian girl in a red hat....
..."Ve affa fude to al ze gests in ze howz!"
"Of course! How rude of me!" I exclaimed....
...and led them through to the kitchen....
....where they went straight for our infamous...
....'finest sherry' trifle!
Which has so much 'Finest sherry' inside it....
....that it always looks....
...slightly blurred!
And once they had eaten as much as they could....
....they began to regail us with a magnificent performance....
...of an old Latvian Folk Tale....
...about the hardships they encountered in their homeland....
....when Latvia was sold to a old watchmaker called Felchin....
....when Latvia was sold to a old watchmaker called Felchin....
...for three solitary acorns....
(Here the 'Mother' of the piece.....
.....is lamenting her family's poor bartering techniques)
(Here the 'Mother' of the piece.....
.....is lamenting her family's poor bartering techniques)
...and because the famine and the winter was so hard...
...the people had to live.....
...on nothing but....
...boiled spiders webs!
Yuk!
...on nothing but....
...boiled spiders webs!
Yuk!
It was so moving...
..it really brought us both to tears....
And I think they could sense....
....that I had certain thesbian tendencies myself.....
...because they then invited me to play the part....
...of a wandering lunatic....
....in another traditional tale.....
Soon after the performance....
....they were kind enough to help us....
...by finishing orf the rest of our finest sherry trifle!
Whilst Lady J awarded them well-deserved prizes.....
.....for their truly magnificent theatrical performances
And she gave away as prizes....
....the two remaining bottles....
...of our Finest Sherry
But do you know?...
Just seeing the merry mirthy smiles.....
.....on their happy Latvian faces....
....was enough to make me finally feel.....
.....sufficiently filled up inside with pride.....
....to say for yet another year....
"Bah Humbug!"
Tallyho!
Best Wishes Lord Noel
