Whatto! Lapland Lovers.............
Xmas often seems to me to be rather twee........
So I was heartened by an article I found relating to a "new & exciting" Xmas attraction that promised to be "Britain's Lapland"!....................
The tickets cast £30 each and they promise..............
"A Magical Festive experience including..........
...... a winter wonderland!....
......full of reindeer!.....
....with log cabins!.....
.......a skating rink!........
...... and a 'Magical' Tunnel of Light!"...................
But sadly....the reality was far less appealing.............
Hapless visitors stood in awe as they witnessed....................
'a muddy field!'..................
'some huskies!............. (in the muddy field)'............
'shabby garden sheds!'.....................
'a broken ice skating rink!'.....................
'and some paving stones set between two rows of tatty-looking Xmas trees with lights on!'
Needless to say.........alot of the visiting children were unhappy................
...........some burst into tears when then saw Santa having a 'crafty fag' behind a large board with the nativity scene painted on it...........
But many parents were angrier still!........
Having to queue for hours in a muddy field - which was described as 'A glorified car boot' - can't have been fun.................
But for one father.....(who was told he would now have to join a different queue in order for his child to receive a present)...........it all became too much!.................
He marched to the front of the queue.....
......determined to "See Santa immediately!"
When he finally reached Santa.................
..... he went straight up to him...............
and punched him squarely in the face!
A fracas then broke out in Santa's Grotto!............
...... which culminated in ugly scenes with one Elf being slapped around the face and two other elves violently assaulted!............
Security guards who were hired to protect 'Santa and his elves' were also attacked by angry parents!
The following day the gates were locked. And any families arriving at the attraction were met by a woman shouting "Santa's dead!"........
How ever are they going to 'top' that next year?
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel
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