Lord Noel Enjoys Having a Wine

Whatto! Winos.....

This weekend one of our local hotels ran a 'wine and cheesy' night......
....which I attended with my lovely Lady wife.
There were a number of wonderful cheeses available for tasting....

....and several wines on offer for the night.
To set the scene they were also playing as much cheesy music as possible.
So everything was in place for a lovely night.
We were aware that the invitations also encouraged attendees to adopt fancy dress wherever possible....
....and although some people seemed to think that putting on sunglasses or a hat constituted 'Fancy Dress'.....
...there were others who entered into the true spirit of the event.
As I looked around the excited guests I noticed that there was a Thunderbird.....

....and Batman and Robin too!

But it was the DJ dressed as a Nun who I finally had to talk to.....

.....I introduced myself, saying "Whatto! Sister DJ.......I'm Lord Noel....
....I wonder if I could ask you something that I've always wanted to ask a Nun?"
"Of course! Fire away!"  he replied.....
" I just wondered" I continued......
...."If you believe in cheeses?"

Tallyho!
What have you asked of a Nun recently?
Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline
Dress With Finesse

Lord Noel On First Class Flying

Whatto! Travellers......

I recently returned from a short flight back from Brussels.....

.....where I was asked to attend a boring 'summit meeting'.....

....discussing matters of Policy which will soon affect everyone in the EEC.....

....and on the flight home I was lucky enough to be sitting next to a rather lovely French lady.....

.... in the first-class section of an airplane.

I do love this type of travel.....

....so comfortable to sleep on......

...one can get ones head down without any problems whatsoever.....

....and it's remarkably cheap....

....especially when the Government is paying for it! Har har!

Suddenly the French woman beside me sneezed........

.....I wished her my best "Bless you!" and offered her a tissue, which she took and gently wiped her nose, then I watched as she visibly shuddered for about ten to fifteen seconds.

I went back to reading my magazine but, a few minutes later, the woman sneezed again.....

....I again said "Bless you!" and offered her another tissue, which she again wiped her nose with, then she shuddered violently once more.

I assumed that the woman had a cold.....

....and the shuddering probably meant she also had a bally fever too!

I went back to my reading.

A few minutes later the woman sneezed yet again.....

....but this time I just smiled, secretly wondering to myself whether to wear my 'Bird flu facemask' which was sitting in my hand luggage - stowed away nearby.

The woman this time took out a tissue of her own.....

....wiped her nose, and again her body began shaking......

....only this time even more violently than before.

At this point, I really couldn't contain myself and I said "I couldn't help but notice that you've just sneezed three times, wiped your nose, and then shuddered violently. Are you okay?"

She smiled at me a little sheepishly then murmered to me in her soft French accent "I'm sorry if I disturbed you, but I have a very rare medical condition"

"Oh great!" I thought....trust me to get put next to a 'Potential Purveyor of a Pandemic'!

She continued with her explanation whilst I held my breath deeply to avoid intaking any nearby virii.......

"You see" she said...."whenever I sneeze...... I.....I.... have....well.....I have an orgasm."

My eyes must have registered their surprise at this point......

....as I sat up - looking extremely interested all of a sudden.....

.....and she looked a little embarrassed.

So I tried to make light of it all by saying "Well I must say I've never heard of that condition, are you taking anything for it?"

"Yes," she replied.........

...."Pepper."

Tallyho!

I wonder if I have any unusual medical conditions?

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Dress With Finesse

Lord Noel Says - Happy Fanksgivin' Y'all!

Whatto! American cousins....

I was reminded that all the lovely peoples of the US of A will this week......

.....be celebrating with their families at home.....

....whilst slaughtering turkeys in vast quantities......

.....as they enjoy their 'Thanksgiving Holiday'.

No doubt there will be plenty of partying taking place.....

.....and people will be singing along with their favourite tunes.

Here's a selection of songs that I'd like to suggest to y'all....

....to get the Party going.......

'Break A Brick For Jesus'

'If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure'.

'I Hope You Ain't looking At My Cock!'

'I'll Marry You Tomorrow - But Let's Honeymoon Tonight'.

 

'Ok I Lost My Man.....But I Got To Keep His Gum'

 

'I'd Rather Pass A Kidney Stone Than Another Night With You'.

 

'This Year My Momma's Making Us Some Nice Clothes'

'She May Have Got The Gold Mine - But I've Still Got The Shaft'.
 

 

'How Can I Miss You Honey - When You Just Won't Go Away?'
 

'You Can Stay Out All Night - The Children Will Be Safe With Us'

'I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.'
 

'Heaven's Just A Sin Away.'

'At The Gas Station Of Love, I Got The Self-Service Pump.'
 

'If I'd Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Here By Now!'
 

'Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind.'

Tallyho!

Do you have a favourite thanks giving song?

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Dress With Finesse

Oh.....and we mustn't forget the brilliant......

'People Think I'm Gay....But I'm Sitting On The Fence

'

Lord Noel on The Meaning of Drows

Whatto! Readers......

I have mentioned the magical world of Anagrams here before.......
This mystical Kingdom 'enables' words.....
....so that they reveal their inherent, hidden meanings....
....which were there all along.....

Thus magically:

DORMITORY becomes: DIRTY ROOM

BEST IN PRAYER becomes: PRESBYTERIAN

MOON STARER becomes: ASTRONOMER

DESPERATION becomes: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES becomes: THEY SEE

THE MORSE CODE becomes: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES becomes: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY becomes: IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS becomes: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS becomes: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT becomes: IM A DOT IN PLACE

THAT QUEER SHAKE becomes: THE EARTHQUAKES

ELEVEN PLUS TWO becomes: TWELVE PLUS ONE



AND Finally:

MOTHER-IN-LAW becomes: WOMAN HITLER!

(Not mine of course!)
 
Tallyho!
Does your Mother-in-law sport a small square moustache and tend to hold one of her arms upwards at an angle with her hand outstretched?
Best wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline
Dress With Finesse

Lord Noel Is Understanding Art

Whatto! Art lovers.....

Yesterday I went along to a local gallery........

....as I'd heard there was a new exhibition on display.

On my arrival I noticed that the Artist Ted Meyer was in attendance.

I made my way slowly through the exhibition......

.....looking closely at each of the paintings. 

One was a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. 

The next painting was a murky gray color that had drips of brown paint streaked across it. 

At the end of the gallery I walked over to the artist and said, “Whatto! I'm Lord Noel and I'm afraid I really don’t understand your paintings at all.”

Ted Meyer smiled and replied “Well Lord Noel....I simply paint what I feel.... deep inside me,”

“I see" I retorted unconvincingly.....

......"Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”

Tallyho!

What artist shall I next meet and discuss art with?

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Dress With Finesse

Lord Noel On Making An Offer She Can't Refuse

Whatto! Fiancés.....

I have been cheered to see marriage proposals taking place in very unusual places.....

....such as: airplanes, underwater....

...atop glacial peaks, on the screen in real movie theaters......

.....on tall buildings, flashing in lights, with the grooms-to-be dressed in everything from Jedi knight outfits (complete with light sabre) to gorilla suits....

....and with pieces of stolen office paper clipped to some string..

And now I can add a police uniform and a parade to that list.

In Oakmont, Pennsylvania, a 30-year-old woman described what her police officer boyfriend did for her.....

Alice Marcus said her new fiance, Trevor Okonak, was riding the lead motorcycle in the "Light Up" night parade last weekend, when he suddenly stopped, dismounted and got down on one knee, according to local news reports.

At that moment, friends of the Oakmont couple displayed a banner urging Alice to accept the 28-year-old police officer's proposal.

So....No pressure then.

Surprisingly..... Alice found herself accepting his proposal.....

....much to the relief of the awaiting crowd....

....and the parade.

After Alice accepted the proposal and kissed her new fiance, Trevor mounted his motorcycle and the parade continued.

The marriage proposal came days after the couple purchased a home together......

Okonak told reporters exactly what he told his girlfriend when he first stopped the parade and proposed marriage.

"I told her I'd stop the world for you," he said, "but right now you have to settle for a parade."

What a cheapskate!

If he's prepared to cut corners like this....

....it doesn't bode well for their Future together...

I wonder where will this all end?.....

What about the Afghan Policeman.....

.....who told his fiancé "I'd bring down a plane for you Darling!"

Tallyho!

Have you ever been proposed to by a Policeman at the front of a big parade?....No I didn't think so.

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Dress With Finesse

Lord Noel Observes The X Factory showing its Underworld Belly

Whatto! Mafioso....

I hope you gangsters are proud of yourselves!
Yet another part of the 'Entertainment World' has been lost this weekend.....
....to the whims of 'Underworld betting scams'.....
....in a shameless round of 'rigged voting'...
...that was televised for all the World to see... 'LIVE'...
...on Sunday nights X Factory!
How else could two perfectly healthy and attractive....
....Irish twins......
....have been unceremoniously 'booted out'?

Dannii Moinogue tried her best to draw attention to her plight....
...as a mere judge....
...by asking the sudience - repeatedly "Is this a singing contest?"

OMG! I suddenly feel rather hot...

(At this point Simon Cowell remained strangely quiet....
...obviously not wishing to 'upset the applecart'.....
....although he is clearly involved and he was definately rattled by Dannii's spontaneous remarks.....
....and we all glimpsed, for a moment, a vision of the true Simon Cowell.....
....and learned why he is also known.....
....as 'SyCo').

Dannii was placed in an impossible position....
...if she voted for the Jedward twins....

....and exposed the shallow sham show for the manipulated mafia mouthpiece that it is.....
....then her beautiful sister Kylie was likely to be immediately taken hostage by Mafia hitmen in retaliation....

...so she really was left with no choice but to vote Jedward out.
But the tears, welling in her gorgeous eyes, told the true story.....
No doubt this morning.....
Mafia bossess all over the World will be laughing their nightmare laughs....

...as they count their ill gotten winnings......
...from this terrible travesty of talent...
....as the public waits in innocence....
...to see what the X Factory will eventually 'churn out' of it's production lines....

....and two merely manipulated multi-talented twins travel tentatively towards the twilight.

Tallyho!

Have you ever had to rig a talent contest for financial reasons?

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline