Whatto! Everyone.............
I found some old letters today that reminded of some Xmas correspondence I had years ago ...........with a then 'lady friend' of mine.......
...........it brought back so many memories!....................
December 14th
Dearest Lord Noel:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree! What a delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised!
With dearest love and affection, Agnes xxxxxxxxxx
***
December 15th
Dearest Lord Noel:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves!.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable!
All my love, Agnes xxxxxxxxx
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December 16th
Dear Lord Noel:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three french hens?! They are just darling but I must insist.... you're just too kind!
Love Agnes xxx
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December 17th
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic!
Affectionately, Agnes x
***
December 18th
Dearest Lord Noel:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings! One for each finger! You're just impossible........ but I love it! Frankly, Lord Noel, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Agnes xxxxxxxxxxxxx
***
December 19th
Dear Lord:
When I opened the door there were actually six geese-a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are really huge! Where ever will I keep them? The neighbours are starting to complain and I can't sleep through the racket. SO PLEASE STOP!
Cordially, Agnes x
***
December 20th
Noel:
What's with you and those birds???? Seven swans-a-swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's bird droppings all over the house!............ and they never stop their squawking! I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night! IT'S NOT FUNNY.......So PLEASE stop with those birds!
Sincerely, Agnes
***
December 21st
OK Buster:
I think I prefer the birds! What exactly am I going to do with eight maids-a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids-a-milking, but they had to bring their own cows! There is dung all over the lawn and I can't move into my own house. Just lay off me!. .
Ag
***
December 22nd
Hey!:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And they won't stop playing! They kept chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and are stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech! What am I going to do? The neighbours have started a petition to evict me! Don't worry.....You'll get yours!
From Ag
***
December 23rd
You Creep!
Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call them 'ladies'..... how they dance is disgusting! Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit! The caretaker of buildings has summonsed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm getting the police onto you!
One who means it! Ag
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December 24th
Listen Idiot!:
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping? Are these some sick friends of yours?!! Thanks to their antics all 234 of the birds are now dead!!!! I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine!
Your sworn enemy! Miss Agnes McCallister
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December 25th
(From the law offices of 'Taeker, Spedar, and Baegar' Ltd)
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 'twelve fiddlers fiddling', which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The destruction of whom was, of course, total. All correspondence should now come to our sole attention and we should warn you that if you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at 'Happy Dale' Sanitarium the attendants have instructions to call Police who will shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
-Merry Christmas
...................................
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline
Dress With Finesse
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