Lord Noel Says - It's What's Underneath That Matters!

Whatto! Designers........

I was fascinated to see a very unusual sight ahead of me on the escalator of a well known local store.....

I really had to look very closely to make sure I wasn't imagining things!

Apparently it's a fashion trend that's originated in the far east......

....which creates an amazing illusion for unsuspecting spectators......

Personally - if I bought something like this then I'd want it to show the illusion of a pert posterior....

....rather than a flabby one....

...otherwise...what's the point?

I thought I'd warn you so that you're prepared for it......

.....in case you come cheek to cheek with the same vision...

Now (as is always the case)........

....... some clever designer has pushed the boundaries still further....

I'm not sure if this will be available in M&S yet.......

....but you have been warned!

Tallyho!

I've had some very interesting fashion faux pas

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Dress With Finesse

Lord Noel Says "GoGaGa!"

Whatto! Titled ones........

 

If - like us - you happen to hold a Title of some kind.......

....you will be aware that all us Titled personages......

....tend to bally well know each other quite well.

Usually as a result of excessive interbreeding at some stage in the twisted old family tree....

...har! har!

So my attention was recently brought to bear.......

....on a new 'Lady' on the scene.......

.....who I have yet to meet.

I'm not yet certain of her credentials.......

....and over the years I've come to know most of the British Aristocracy of course.....

....and I'm sure I would have remembered her if she'd been at Ascot last season.......

Although I gather despite being very talented.......

....(having already received several awards)........

 ....she's apparently quite a shy person really........

I can certainly relate entirely to that.....

....having spent most of my rather colourful life....

...pursued by the press!

I understand that she also likes dressing up!

So already we have alot in common!

Being a bit of a fashion 'Icon' myself.......

I can appreciate the skill it takes to throw together an entirely new look........

.....with minimal materials......

And I can understand that whenever I try to get 'my people' ring 'her people'.....

....for a formal introduction........

.....they tell me "She's a bit tied-up right now".....

....(probably all that charitable work she's involved with)....

I gather she's someone who prefers to remain largely anonymous......

.....which is always so difficult to do.......

....when one is talented and gorgeous like myself

But I really just wanted her to know......

....that she's welcome ANY time at Virtual Manor......

....where we could spend a very pleasant evening together......

....playing at the pianoforté......

....or even playing Poker....

(as I understand she also has particular skills in that area).....

One thing's for sure.......

....wherever she goes.......

I shall be right behind her!

Tallyho!

Are you stalking any Celebrity Aristocrats?

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Dress With Finesse

Lord Noel Attends 1980's Rock Party

What ho! Revellers......

Lady Jacqueline and I were lucky enough to be invited to a Birthday bash for our great friend The Viscount Thrustworthy-Stratocaster.......

The theme (believe it or not).....was 1980 Rock....

.....and as usual.....we leapt at the chance to dress up!

Luckily I had only just stopped wearing 1980's clothing......

....so it was still warm.....in my wardrobe

The band ran through lots of great tracks from the 1980's......

....including music from a Leopard that apparently was deaf.....

I know how it feels.......

....the sound was exceptionally loud.........

Especially when I was asked to give my own personal rendition of "You give love a bad name".....

....by the infamous Bon Jovi

There were a number of celebrities there.......

.....and it was nice to meet and chat with Rod Stewart....

And so great to enjoy the atmosphere.....

....with everyone having a great time......

....especially the Birthday Boy himself!

Rocking onwards.......

....into the early hours of the morning.....

Filling the night air with sticky sweat.......

...as the air guitars were dusted down and swung about energetically......

Even Lady Jacqueline got a chance to try out her air guitar technique......

....but her guitar sounded a little flat.....

The crowd were fully into the whole thing......

.....and by the end of the gig - the band had to do several encores!

And some of the air guitars were actually loaded.....

....you don't want to get in the way of those things!

And as the night thundered slowly to it's happy conclusion.....

....we gratefully wiped the blood from our ears......

...knowing that we had well and truly......

....Rocked The House!

Tallyho!

What Rock legends have you recently bumped into?

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Dress With Finesse

Lord Noel Asks Are You Sitting Comfortably?

Whatto! Storytellers......

When our children were much younger.....

....I used to enjoy telling them bedtime stories.

Watching their delighted eyes light up as I improvised on the spot to go in whatever direction seemed to appeal to them most......

....the stories used to be invented on the spot.....

...based on the suggestions that THEY gave me.

For example.....

...I would first ask for a suggestion of a person (which could either be a name or a character).....

....a place....

....and then an object......

....and with those ingredients I would launch into an improvised story which somehow would mystically resolve itself by the time I reached the end.

They delight in telling me, even now, about the stories they remember me telling them and how much pleasure it gave them.

Just to demonstrate this let me give you an example......

....Name? "Hilda!"

.......Place? "Circus!"

.....Object? "Trampoline!"

.....and then you proceed to weave for some very small sleepy people......

...... an interesting and entertaining story......

....which can be highly original and unique.....

.......or, if you found this method was too taxing.......

.....you could instead tell one.....

.....based on the truth!

Tallyho!

Are you a good storyteller?

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Dress With Finesse

Lord Noel Notices Cock Up At Virtual Manor!

Whatto! Chicken sexers.....

You may remember that earlier in the year we were gracious enough to offer accomodation to several delightful chickens here at Virtual Manor.

And that we had a rude awakening when 'Korma' - one of our beautiful 'girls' - turned out to be a 'Lady Boy'.....

.....and started crowing loudly each morning just as dawn broke.

Having just returned from a long stay in Thailand we were not disturbed by the whole sex-change thing.....

....and I happily exchanged 'her' for a female of the same Pilkie breed (Silkie / Polish cross) who is delightfully quiet......

....and named 'Satay'.

Peacefulness descended on Virtual Manor once more....

....and we were looking forward to the day when 'Supreme' (our youngest Polish chicken) would finally mature....

....and begin adding her eggs to those that her co-tenants 'Nuggets' and 'Satay' were already graciously providing us with.

Well......

....as time progressed.......

......things started happening to Supreme.....

She started off as a proper cutey who we couldn't resist.....

....but we noticed that she became increasingly more dominant.....

....and then her extravagant head feathers became even more straggly....

....and THEN........

.....her whole body shape altered!

Obviously we were concerned....

.....(even taking into account that most maturing females become totally mishapen).....

....and then we saw that her eye colouring had changed from green.....

.....to ORANGE!

I believe a common expression in such circumstances is "WTF?!"

It was such a sudden change that it was almost as if someone had swopped her for a completely different chicken!

But we knew that she hadn't been 'got at' because they all live in an enclosed courtyard.

So when we were again woken at dawn by the familiar sound of a small bird screaming its head off in their natural and instinctive manner......

....we realised the brutal truth once more!

I rang the friendly suppliers of the said bird and they were most apologetic.....

....offering to swop it for a female asap.

I jumped at the chance to return to having nice lie-ins....

....and after several hilarious minutes.....

......('hilarious' for Lady Jacqueline who was watching from the safety and warmth of the Manor as I ran about the courtyard in the rain trying to persuade an extremely confused, reluctant and bedraggled chicken to climb into a small box that I was carrying).......

.....Supreme finally gave up......

....she was obviously totally convinced that I was a complete lunatic who just would not go away!

She was right.

The second such exchange was made......

....with the lovely suppliers apologising profusely for managing to get wrong the sex of the birds twice out of three times!

I told them that I wouldn't be putting them forward for the Chicken Sexers job which is currently advertised at a nearby farm......

....and they laughed....

....and I developed a new admiration for chicken sexers everywhere.

I took home our newest acquisition and introduced the beautiful and clearly female (so far) Miss 'Kiev' to our other two girls.....

....She was understandably hesitant at first.....

....and now the pecking order will have to be sorted out amongst them.....

....but we are finally in the position we wanted to be at the start of this whole adventure....

....having seen several cocks come and go in the process.....

...much like many of you no doubt.

Tallyho!

Have you suffered from Cock trouble?

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Dress With Finesse

Lord Noel Says "Happy Birthday Lovely Daughter!"

Whatto! Lovely Daughter!

It's time to wish you once again ......

A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

You have grown into a wonderful and beautiful woman.....

....with a great sense of humour......

.....who we really enjoy just 'hanging out' with.....

......you make us both VERY proud to call you our daughter....

...and we love you VERY much!

Have a great day!!

Tallyho!

With Loads of love....Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Lord Noel Is Nyyyyyycccce

What ho! Optimists......

I like to consider myself something of an optimist.......

....but there are times when all the signs are pointing in the wrong direction....

...and then you just KNOW........

...... it's going to be a Bad Day.

Like when you wake up.......

...... and find that you're face down on the pavement

Or when you call The Samaritans......

...... and they put you on hold

Or you arrive at your office at work.......

.......and your Boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat......

....and then a "60 minutes" news team arrives to speak to you

Or when it's your Birthday.....

....and your twin sister forgets......

....and then your birthday cake collapses......

...... under the weight of all those candles

Or when you turn on the news........

........ and they're showing the City where you live......

......and all the emergency routes out of there

Or you wake up and discover your waterbed has broken.......

..... and then you remember that you don't actually have a waterbed

Or when the horn on your car goes off accidentally.........

........and remains stuck on as you drive down the road......

.......following a group of hells angels

Or when your wife wakes up feeling amourous.......

..... and YOU have a headache

Or when you look outside to see the birds singing outside your window......

.... and you realise they're all vultures

Or....

.....and I've definately left the WORST 'til last!......

....when you go out on a blind date........

....and it turns out to be......

.....your ex-wife.

Ooooh! Nasty!

Tallyho!

Have you ever had a day that could by any stretch of the imagination?

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Dress With Finesse