Lord Noel On Heaven & Hell

Whatto! Theologists...............

One day a highly successful Human Resources Director was hit by a bus and she died..............
Her soul arrived up in Heaven where she was met by St. Peter himself..............
"Welcome to Heaven!" said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, we've never once had a Human Resources Director make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.........
"Well, I'd like to,"replied St. Peter, "but I have higher orders............
What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose which ever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven," said the woman........
"Sorry, we have rules..." said St. Peter..............
And with that St. Peter put her in a lift.......


....and sent it................
down................
down................
down................
.........to HELL!
She knew she'd arrived...........because of the Corporate Logo!.............


The doors slowly opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golfcourse!...............


In the distance was a gorgeous country club and standing in front of her were all the fellow executives she had worked with.................... but they all seemed much younger and happier now! ...........and they were all dressed casually and cheering her!
 
They ran up and hugged and kissed her and talked about old times..........
Then they played an excellent round of golf and then went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner..............
She then met the Devil himself - who was actually quite a decent chap!..........

...and kind of cute!....... and she had a great time with him telling jokes and dancing...................
She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.............
Everybody shook her hand and waved her good-bye as she got into the lift...............


And the lift went.................
up..............
up..............
up..............
......and eventually opened up.............. back at the Pearly Gates.............
.........where she found St. Peter waiting for her..............
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said..................
So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing..............


She had a lovely time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up...............
St.Peter came to get her and said "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and you've spent a day in Heaven..................
Now you must choose your own eternity!"........................
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great, but I think I had a better time in Hell!........It's even got it's own Corporate Logo!"
"So be it!" said St. Peter and escorted her back to the lift.............


......and again she went.................
down..................
down..................
down..................
(Good this isn't it?)
............... back to Hell!
When the doors of the lift opened this time she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in boiling mud ........full of rubbish and filth..................
She saw her friends were dressed in rags and they were picking through the rubbish for something to eat!..........
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her and said "Welcome Back!"
The woman stammered.........."But I don't understand!.....................
.................yesterday I was here and there was a beautiful golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time.....................
Now there's just a wasteland of rubbish and all my friends look miserable!"
The Devil looked at her and smiled................
"That's because yesterday we were recruiting you................
.......Today you're staff!"


Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel