The other day I decided to get dressed up and pay another visit to our local hostelry.........
A fine pub situated within staggering distance of Virtual Manor...........
I should add that it is because of my ideosyncratic character that I am always welcomed there............
.........and on this particular afternoon I went in dressed in a quite unusual outfit (even by MY standards!)...........It consisted of a large pink flamingo draped over my shoulders and a large pussy cat down the front of my kilt!........
Obviously there was a mild commotion when I first walked in.......................and I got the odd incredulous look & comment in my direction.........
But this soon died down as I confidently strode towards the bar to order my first drink of the day...............
"My good Barman!" I called out......... "I'd like a lovely Champagne cocktail my good fellow!".............
The barman duly poured my cocktail and then said "That'll be £6.80 please your Lordship!"
"£6.80!?" shouted my cat - "I wouldn't pay £6.80 for a Champagne cocktail!"
I just smiled uncomfortably, stroked my pussy and continued to pay the man and drink my delicious cocktail...........Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!!.............. Delicious!!!...................
"I say old chap!" I called out a few minutes later......... "I'd rather like a spot of that Vieux Armagnac you've got back there!"..........
The barman obliged once again and placed my drink down infront of me in the usual manner........
"That will be £13.10" says the barman............
........and again my cat made a fuss!...... "£13.10 for an Armagnac!? That's disgraceful!".......
Then my flamingo tapped me the head with its beak and said "Can I have a packet and cheese and onion crisps please?"
"That will be 66p please" says the barman, laying down the crisps...........
"66 pence!? ....... For a bag of crisps!?" said my cat loudly "That's SCANDALOUS!!!!"........
The barman looked slightly concerned for a moment and then said to me "I don't mean to be rude but I have noticed that your cat has been complaining about the price of everything - what ever's wrong with it?
I was somehow expecting his question...............
........it was inevitable enough in the circumstances.............
So I took a large sip from my Armagnac and set out to explain everything to him..........
I began by telling him the truth.......
"Well, my dear fellow!" I began ........ "I was on holiday in County Wicklow - in Ireland...............
..........and I was walking along by the side of the river bank when I heard a little voice shouting "Help me! Save me!"..........
And when I looked over there was a leprechaun stuck in the bottom of a tree!......
The leprechaun said to me "If you help me get free from here I will grant you a wish!"
"Really?!" said the barman.........."And what did you wish for?"
"I asked him for a tall bird with a tight pussy!"
Tallyho!
Best wishes - Lord Noel
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