Improving our Airlines

Whatto! Sky Travellers..........

I have travelled extensively throughout the years on various airlines and from observing each experience I have come to certain conclusions which I believe may assist certain forward-thinking Airlines to get ahead of their competitors.................

.......and I am prepared to reveal those important conclusions here and now to you all...........

They are dynamite!!..........

Okay! Firstly .........get rid of the male flight attendants!...........

Sorry old chap...........but I think you'll find.............

No one wanted them in the first place........

Then replace all the female flight attendants .........

.....with good-looking strippers!

TALLYHO!!!......

Simple and EFFECTIVE!! After all they don't even serve food anymore, so there's absolutely NO loss!

These highly trained strippers would get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin and thus triple the sales of expensive 'on-board' alcohol!!...............

Men would naturally start flying more frequently in the hope of seeing naked women.

These female flight attendants would also command big tips from happy travellers thus avoiding the need to pay them a salary - saving even more money!.........

It may be that the tips received would be so good that these women could be charged for working on the plane!............. and the airline could even look at the possibility of deducting 20 % of the tips as a sort of 'kick-back'!..........

........thus increasing revenue still further!!............

(Above: "Excuse me young lady but I think you'll find you're sitting on my nuts!")

This is without mentioning the additional perks, which could include lap dances and 'special services' that they may chose to provide!..........

Muslims would be less inclined to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women......

Hijackings would come to a screeching halt and customer safety records would increase exponentially!

The airline industry would see record revenues!.......

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a failing liability into an asset!.......

I expect my dear friend Richard Branson (or Dickie as I prefer to call him) will be reading this right now..........

As a vibrant entrepreneur - he's always quick orf the mark! Har!!!..............

And he has the added advantage of always being surrounded by beautiful Virgin ladies!

I've often heard it said that.........."When Dickie is involved.............. men lose ALL reason!"

Why didn't Gordon Brown think of this? ........Why do I have to do everything myself?

Tallyho!!

Best wishes - Lord Noel