Whatto! Peeps.....
 |
| Beware of the Lionesses..........especially at Longleat |
1. Call.
2. Don't lie.
3. Never use ductape to hold any of her body parts together.
4. If a guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5. If a guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rule: No Petting.
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
8. Victoria's Secret is good. Anne Summers is bad.
9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
11. "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag," "Lardass," and "Bitch" are bad.
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a criminal offence - unless you have an agreed codeword.
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
15. Her cooking is always excellent - even when the kitchen is filled with smoke.
16. And that isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
17. Soap is your friend.
18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm water does not equal clean.
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
22. Two words: clean socks.
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
24. Burping and Farting is not sexy.
25. You're wrong.
26. You're sorry.
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
28. Ditto for your discourse on football.
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning or overhanging sign in a single bound.
30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad
31. Never assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
32. Never assume that PMS doesn't exist. Ever!
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time,
and it could change without notice.
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. Unless you can now clean plaque with your tongue.
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
37. Pick her up at the Airport, Train or Bus Station. Don't whine about it, just do it.
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
41. Always, always suck up to her brother / Sister / Mother / Father.
42. Think boxers.
43. Think Silk boxers.
44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any other cheesy "anniversary" she creates.
45. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
46. Her haircut is never bad.
47. Don't allow your friends to pick on her.
48. Call.
49. Don't lie.
50. The rules are not fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labour balances everything.
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel
