50 ways to keep your Testosterone flowing.
1. Don't call, ever.
2. If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun to let her work it out by herself.
3. Lie.
4. Give your Penis a narcissistic and unoriginal name, such as "Spike".
5. If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you posted it to them.
6. Here's a great pickup line, "My girlfriend's pregnant, will you go out with me?
7. Drink alot of Alcohol.
8. Play with yourself then talk about it.
9. Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to answer, a nice grunt will alway do.
10. Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what, it isn't your fault.
11. Lie.
12. Girls find it attractive if a man has had more women than baths.
13. Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help - don't ask. People will think you have no penis.
14. Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.
15. Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have. Whenever you pass a reflective surface, check your hair,
clothing, etc. It's important that you look good at all times.
16. If you don't like a girl, but can't think of a good enough reason why, just come up with trite, meaningless explanations like, "I don't
know. I just don't like her personality."
17. If, you've answered the phone by mistake and GOD FORBID, have to talk to a girl, use only monosyllabic words and noises.
Bodily noises are permissible.
18. TWO WORDS: Hack and spit.
19. Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in his own urine.
20. One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend. She will then see what she's missing and love you
for not giving up on her.
21. Tell her you will call. Then, refer back to rule #1.
22. Say things like "Wha...?"
23. Don't wear matching clothes. People will think your girlfriend picked it out, and it will cramp your style on picking up chicks.
24. Lie.
25. Deny everything. Absolutely Everything.
26. A Good break up line to use is always, "It's not you, it's me."
27. If you like a girl, tell all your female friends about her. Because if any of your female friends like you, they'll really want to know.
28. Don't have a clue.
29. If you DO have a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it.
30. No means yes.
31. Yes means no.
32. If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel. Enforce this rule at all times.
33. If anyone asks, you have had sex in all possible positions and locations. Improvise.
34. Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak, sex often signifies the end of a relationship.
35. Feelings? What feelings?
36. Tell this to your girl before you have sex, "Don't worry. If you don't have an orgasm, you won't get pregnant.".
37. Life is one big competition. If someone is better than you at anything, either pretend it's not true or go fight someone.
38. Effeminate men are an unacceptable part of our society. Take it upon yourself to personally eradicate all of them from the planet.
39. DO NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed intoa corner and must make a decision, stall.
If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape. Example: Question: "Darling, will
you take me out for a romantic dinner?" Answer: "Yes, if you can guess how many sperm I produce each day.".
40. Every sentence that anyone says can be contorted to have sexual meaning. Do so.
41. At any given opportunity, point out how things look like various genitalia. If, by chance, you have Play-Doh,
make sure you make an exact replica of your penis...only bigger. Measure it and tell everyone how long it is.
42. Lie.
43. "Love" is not in your vocabulary. Don't even think about saying it....it's just weird.
44. A general rule: If whatever you're doing does not satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it's really not worth it.
45. Diss your girl friend. Beg and plead until you get her back. Diss her again. Repeat cycle until bored.
46. Lie.
47. ALWAYS apologize. But NEVER mean it.
48. If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Don't.
49. Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget trivial things like your girlfriend's birthday and eye color.
50. Ignorance solves problems. If you can't see them, they can't see you.
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel
