Whatho! Pepys...
Dear Inland Revenue
I have been trying to think of a suitable way to increase the Tax burden on the people of the UK so that more wars can be begun against very poor people (ie Terrorists) with oil and natural resources we need and of course, so our lovely Rich Bankers can be paid lots more of their well-deserved bonuses.
I have finally come up with a suggestion that could be used to target HALF THE UK POPULATION!
YES! ALL males! I'm sure a suitable female-orientated campaign could also be launched with a small degree of 'jiggling'.
Here is a suggestion of the type of letter that should be sent out to all households as soon as possible.
Remember - The cost of a new Drone or a needy Bankers bonus is at stake!
..........................................................................................................................
To: All Male U.K. Taxpayers
From: Inland Revenue Service Centre
Re: Notice of new tax
It has come to our attention that in the past, the Inland Revenue has failed to tax your male appendage. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it spends being pissed off, 30% of the time it claims to be hard up 8% of that time it is being hand-reared leaving only 2% time when it is gainfully employed in trying to fill a gap. On top of that, it has 2 dependents and they are both nuts.
Therefore, effective from next January 1st your penis will be taxed according to size.
------- The categories are as follows: -------
10 - 12 inches 'Luxury Tax' £30.00
8 - 10 'Pole Tax' £25.00
5 - 8 'Privilege Tax' £15.00
4 - 5 'Nuisance Tax' £3.00
Males exceeding 12" must file a Capital Gains return.
NOTE: Anyone Deemed to be 'Underprivileged' (under 4") is eligible for a refund of £1. Please send a clear picture of your face to this office so our staff can all recognise and point at you when you attend to obtain your refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!
Sincerely,
Ima Pecker-Checker
Inland Revenue Services
'Shafting Generations for the good of the Privileged few'
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel
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