Whatho! pepys...
Here in Ukland we are World reknown for our long and luxurious heritage which stretches into the mists of yesterdayness for a very, very, long, long, way, way - echoing through time like the soft hair running down the taut spine of a well manicured werewolf.
Once Xmas day is finally consigned to the landfill of historyville and everyone has finished celebrating the birth of the baby Santa by toying with their gifts, jousting together playfully in their highly competitive carbohydrate consumption competitions and singing fantasy rhymes to each other around an innocent pianoforte, things can quickly turn very nasty. When one adds to the mix, for good measure, a few good measures of alcoholic beverages, it is easy to see why the Xmas cheer suddenly runs out and the overwheming urge to lovingly throttle someone close to one completely takes one over.
That is precisely why we Brits invented boxing day!
It is a very well guarded secret here in the UK, but a short perusal of Police incident records reveals just how popular traditional Boxing Day celebrations really are.
Up and down the country families are warming squeezing each other by the neck in joyfull celebration of this honourable tradition.
There are rules of course, but the rules are there just to satisfy Health and Safety requirements and bears very little relevance to the actual Boxing itself.
The first Rule of Boxing Day (or 'Fight Club' as it is known here at Virtual Manor) is 'Don't ever wear plimsoles as they leave black marks on the floor'.
That is why, on this very special day, you will frequently find my good lady wife wearing her customary wooden Dutch clogs. I bought these for her one Xmas past, in an unusual act of kindness which secretly benefits me during our Boxing Day rituals as it dramatically slows down her footwork whilst I am jabbing with my left and also distracts her with the added risk of splinters as I am preparing for a crafty uppercut to her chin.
I would thoroughly recommend this past time for one and all!
Not only is it great entertainment when all there is to watch on TV is the Unelected Dictators Speech but it is also a wonderful way for a family to bond together, lose weight together and also build up a tremendous appetite together!
Happy Boxing Day!
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel
Here in Ukland we are World reknown for our long and luxurious heritage which stretches into the mists of yesterdayness for a very, very, long, long, way, way - echoing through time like the soft hair running down the taut spine of a well manicured werewolf.
Once Xmas day is finally consigned to the landfill of historyville and everyone has finished celebrating the birth of the baby Santa by toying with their gifts, jousting together playfully in their highly competitive carbohydrate consumption competitions and singing fantasy rhymes to each other around an innocent pianoforte, things can quickly turn very nasty. When one adds to the mix, for good measure, a few good measures of alcoholic beverages, it is easy to see why the Xmas cheer suddenly runs out and the overwheming urge to lovingly throttle someone close to one completely takes one over.
That is precisely why we Brits invented boxing day!
It is a very well guarded secret here in the UK, but a short perusal of Police incident records reveals just how popular traditional Boxing Day celebrations really are.
Up and down the country families are warming squeezing each other by the neck in joyfull celebration of this honourable tradition.
There are rules of course, but the rules are there just to satisfy Health and Safety requirements and bears very little relevance to the actual Boxing itself.
The first Rule of Boxing Day (or 'Fight Club' as it is known here at Virtual Manor) is 'Don't ever wear plimsoles as they leave black marks on the floor'.
That is why, on this very special day, you will frequently find my good lady wife wearing her customary wooden Dutch clogs. I bought these for her one Xmas past, in an unusual act of kindness which secretly benefits me during our Boxing Day rituals as it dramatically slows down her footwork whilst I am jabbing with my left and also distracts her with the added risk of splinters as I am preparing for a crafty uppercut to her chin.
I would thoroughly recommend this past time for one and all!
Not only is it great entertainment when all there is to watch on TV is the Unelected Dictators Speech but it is also a wonderful way for a family to bond together, lose weight together and also build up a tremendous appetite together!
Happy Boxing Day!
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel
No comments:
Post a Comment