Whatto! Peeps.......
There are a number of 'International Models' within the area of Dairy Farming expertise, and they can be summed up as follows:
The NAMIBIAN Model
· You have two cows.
· You make biltong - a delicious cured meat dish. Yum.
The AMERICAN Model
· You have two cows that you got from invading a field in a faraway foreign country.
· You sell one, and force the other, at gunpoint, to produce the milk of four cows.
· You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
The SOUTH AFRICAN Model
· You have two cows.
· You go on strike because you want three cows.
· They get stolen, so you blame the previous regime' and steal someone else's cows and shoot their owner.
The ZIMBABWEAN Model
· A farmer has two cows.
· You take over his farm, eat both cows and wait for the international community to supply you with more.
The JAPANESE Model
· You have two cows.
· You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
· You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them world-wide with great success.
The GERMAN Model
· You have two cows.
· You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
The BRITISH Model
· You have two cows.
· They are both mad.
The INDIAN Model
· You have two cows.
· You pray to them for food whilst taking telephone calls from disgruntled Europeans.
The ITALIAN Model
· You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
· You go for lunch and have a nice Pizza with salad and a bottle of Chianti.
The RUSSIAN Model
· You have two cows.
· You count them and learn you have five cows.
· You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
· You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
· You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
The SWISS Model
· You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
· You charge others for storing them.
The CHINESE Model
· You have two cows.
· You have 300 people milking them.
· You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the information in the first place.
The AUSTRALIAN Model
· You have two cows.
· The one on the left is kinda cute...
· You have two cows.
· You make biltong - a delicious cured meat dish. Yum.
The AMERICAN Model
· You have two cows that you got from invading a field in a faraway foreign country.
· You sell one, and force the other, at gunpoint, to produce the milk of four cows.
· You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
The SOUTH AFRICAN Model
· You have two cows.
· You go on strike because you want three cows.
· They get stolen, so you blame the previous regime' and steal someone else's cows and shoot their owner.
The ZIMBABWEAN Model
· A farmer has two cows.
· You take over his farm, eat both cows and wait for the international community to supply you with more.
The JAPANESE Model
· You have two cows.
· You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
· You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them world-wide with great success.
The GERMAN Model
· You have two cows.
· You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
The BRITISH Model
· You have two cows.
· They are both mad.
The INDIAN Model
· You have two cows.
· You pray to them for food whilst taking telephone calls from disgruntled Europeans.
The ITALIAN Model
· You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
· You go for lunch and have a nice Pizza with salad and a bottle of Chianti.
The RUSSIAN Model
· You have two cows.
· You count them and learn you have five cows.
· You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
· You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
· You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
The SWISS Model
· You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
· You charge others for storing them.
The CHINESE Model
· You have two cows.
· You have 300 people milking them.
· You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the information in the first place.
The AUSTRALIAN Model
· You have two cows.
· The one on the left is kinda cute...
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel