What ho! Pepys..
...Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline here....
When we heard that our gorgeous friend and partygoer, the lovely, demure, and extremely wealthy heiress Paris Hilton was arrested for cocaine possession this weekend we were utterly and completely shocked!
Not because of her preference for this particular recreational substance....
...but because (according to her defence lawyer)....
.....the drugs fell out of....
....(wait for it!)...
....a high street handbag!
GASP!
(Let the whole Court please see 'Exhibit A')....
OH YUK!
No! Having socialised regularly, and quite heavily.....
.....with young Pareee for quite some time now....
...we can, with all honesty and integrity, both say that quite frankly our Golden Girl....
....wouldn't be seen dead with a bag of inferior quality....
....NO WAY JOSÉ!!
....and therefore the marching powder couldn't possibly be hers.....
....she's been 'Stitched up right proper like a kipper!' there's no doubt about it...
So.....Case Dismissed!
Our gardener told us that according to that filthy gutter rag of a newpaper The Sun (Yuk, spit), "The hotel heiress was in her boyfriend's car when cops pulled the pair over after spotting marijuana fumes emanating from the vehicle. A bag of cocaine slipped out as Paris reached for that all-important lip balm and both she and Cy Waits were arrested."
Yeah! ....RIGHT!!
But even the Sun newpaper was forced to admit: "This purse in question was a high street brand - and by no means up to her high fashion standards. Paris is hoping authorities will see sense and let her off the hook."
If you wish us to appear as a character witness for you dearest Pareee....
...just let us know!
**Mwaaa!** ** Mwaaa!**
(and yes, that is Poor Pareees mugshot you're looking at - doesn't she look soooooo innocent!?)
Tallyho!
Best Wishes (especially to those possibly appearing in Court soon)
Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline
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