Lord Noel Reveals More Male Language Patterns

What ho! Pepys....Lord Noel here....

Apparently us men are more complex than I first thought......

...Lady Jacqueline has received a SECOND part to her 'How to speak Man' correspondence course....

...which reveals even more secrets of the male psyche.....

(Men: Run for the hills!....the secrets are OUT!)

"That's interesting, dear,"
REALLY MEANS, "Wow! ....Are you still talking?"

"We don't need material things to prove our love,"
REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me,"
REALLY MEANS, "You really want me to stay awake while you talk?"

"It's a really good movie!"
REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, beer and naked women."

"You know how bad my memory is,"
REALLY MEANS, "I remember all the words to the England song "3 Lions", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses,"
REALLY MEANS, "The girl on the corner selling them was a real babe..... wearing a thong."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal,"
REALLY MEANS, "I actually severed a limb!....but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house,"
REALLY MEANS, "I remember once throwing a dirty towel near to the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing,"
REALLY MEANS, "I hope I think of some reasons pretty soon."

"What did I do this time?"
REALLY MEANS, "You caught me AGAIN?!?"

"She's one of the rabid feminists,"
REALLY MEANS, "She once refused to make my coffee."

"I heard you,"
REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest idea what you just said, but I am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so you don't spend the next 3 days nagging me."

"You look really terrific in that outfit,"
REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."

"I brought you a present,"
REALLY MEANS, "They were giving away free ice scrapers at the garage."

"I missed you,"
REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are,"
REALLY MEANS, "I wonder if they will find us alive?."

"This relationship is getting too serious,"
REALLY MEANS, "I like you nearly as much as I like my car."

"We share the housework,"
REALLY MEANS, "I make the mess for you to clean up."

"I don't need to read the instructions,"
REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel and Lady Jacqueline