Lord Noel says "War?...Good God Y'all"

Whatto! Peeps...

Whilst I watch in dismay at the unfolding 'theatre of wars' in which Britain has become immersed...
I am reminded of a fascinating story from my days at the Foreign Office...
...when things used to be done properly...

Off the coast of mainland Tanzania, on the African east coast, is Zanzibar, now a semi-autonomous archipelago but part of Tanzania proper.  In 1890, Zanzibar was a British protectorate, but in 1964, after an uprising, it joined with Tanzania (then "Tanganyika") to form the modern-day country of the same name. 

The uprising which lead to Zanzibar's independence from Britain was not the archipelago's first.  On August 27, 1896, the British Empire and Zanzibar went to war.

Sultan Hamad bin Thuwaini

Two days prior, Zanzibar's Sultan, Hamad bin Thuwaini died suddenly. A would-be successor, his cousin Khalid bin Bargash (whom many believed poisoned Hamad), was disfavoured by the British - the Empire at that time wished for Hamoud bin Muhammad to take Hamadi's place. Under a treaty signed a decade earlier, the British Empire had to approve of the successor in order for him to successfully accede to the throne. Khalid refused to seek this approval. The British termed this an act of war, and gave Khalid until 9 AM local time on the 27th to cede he throne. Khalid responded by barricading himself inside the palace, defended by his loyal palace guards.

As 9 AM approached, so did the British forces. With over 1,000 land troops amassed and five ships - two gunboats and and three cruisers - the British forces were formidable. The Sultan countered with 2,800 men of his own, albeit not as well armed or trained; a royal yacht and two other boats (akin to large motorboats); and a quartet of artillery batteries. Thirty minutes before the ultimatum struck, the Sultan sent a message to the British diplomatic point of contact, Basil Cave, stating that he had no intent of ceding his throne and did not believe the British would open fire. Cave responded by reiterating the ultimatum: "Step down by 9 AM or prepare for a rain of artillery!"

And at exactly 9 AM, the gunships received their orders: "Fire!" Within minutes, the royal palace received the promised ammunition. The Zanzibari royal yacht, the HMS Glasgow, did its best to stave off the attacks, by firing its weapons at one of the warships - but by 9:15, the British navy sunk the Glasgow and the two other Zanzibari boats. The attacks on the palace killed or wounded over 500 Zanzibaris in about a half hour, and Sultan Khalid bin Bargash fled for the German consulate, where he successfully sought asylum. 

At 9:40, hostilities ceased and the Sultan's flag atop the palace came down. Thus ending this forty-minute war - the shortest in human history.

Sultan Ali Hamoud

In the end, Britian placed Hamoud bin Muhammad in the throne, a position he would serve in until his death in 1902. During his British-backed reign, Sultan Hamoud, to his credit, ended slavery on the island.

A bonus fact is that according to a Gallup poll, the average person spends 46 minutes commuting to and from work each day. Which, as we now know, is long enough to fight a whole war, with enough time left over to make a nice pot of tea.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel