What ho! Pepys...
I am very pleased to announce the start of
'Lord Noel's Financial Investment Learning'.
Here are some terms you will need to learn
prior to beginning the course:
CEO
Chief Embezzlement Officer.
BULL MARKET
A random market movement causing an investor
to mistake himself for a financial genius.
VALUE INVESTING
The art of buying low and selling even lower.
P/E RATIO
The percentage of investors
wetting their pants as the
market keeps crashing.
BROKER
Something that dabbling in stocks and shares
will make you.
STANDARD and POOR
Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST
The Idiot who just downgraded all your stock.
STOCK SPLIT
When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER
Someone whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION
This usually occurs on the day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW
The movement your money makes
as it disappears down the toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR
Last years investor who's now locked up
in a nuthouse.
PROFIT
An archaic word - no longer in use.
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel
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