Lord Noel's Facts Of Life

What Ho! Pepys...

There are certain things in life that everyone should know...
...here are some of them...

Don't take lettuces from the top of the stack, or heads will roll!

Jeremy Kyle isn't educational TV, so why does it make me feel so much smarter?

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

I tried to get in touch with my inner child, but he isn't allowed to talk to strangers.

I have to take my paycheck to the bank. It's too little to go by itself.

I must be following my diet too closely. I keep gaining on it.

Whenever I'm in a mood to watch the world go by, I just keep to the posted speed limit.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel