Monday 27 February 2012

Lord Noel On Making A Profit At Any Cost


What ho! Humans...
Here's a short lesson on how to make loads and loads of lovely money!
My suggestion is that we create a Pharmaceutical company and then simply work towards a Society where people are completely dependent on our products. In an ideal scenario we could have medicines that make people even more sick so they need even more medicines.  This is called increasing profit margins or 'swelling the market'. By creating illnesses that require long term medicines to 'manage' the illness we can ensure greater long term profits!
Obviously repeat business from long term illnesses like Diabetes, Cancer, Sterility, and Alzheimer's are the ones we can make most money on. But it would help if various sympathetic laboratories accidentally released the odd virus into the environment from time to time.
Compulsory Vaccination is always a great opportunity to sell to the Government large stocks of untested medicine and to supply the panic buying that our scientific experts can create.
So far so good. We should always squash any information of alternative cures reaching people so they will be unable to seek any legitimate substitute for our drugs. We can easily threaten law suits to silence any lone dissenters and thanks to our generous grants for laboratories and educational establishments none of the Scientific community will ever rock the boat.  The same applies to Government officials and Politicians who are happy to accept our massive donations for their campaigns - and then help us in return by smoothing the way for more of our products to reach that ever-hungry market place.
Of course one problem remains! Believe it or not there are some members of the public who don't actually take any medicine! 
These people somehow need to be involved in being the newest consumers of our lucrative product range.
Wouldn't it be great if we could get to them by entering into their food supply? I know you're thinking "Well they already do! - MacDonald's KFC etc make processed foods that cause heart problems and obesity!"
Yes - but I'm talking about getting to the food source itself! If we could do that we have a real chance of engineering food products that can cause long term harm to everyone! Genetically Modified food products are easy to get into the market place and many of them aren't even labelled - so the customer need never know!
Think of the massive increase in our customer base that will give us!
And it all dovetails becutifully into our final solution.
You may think this sounds far fetched.
But thanks to Monsanto and others - it's happening right now!
Have a nice day!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel


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