Lord Noel on Cooking The Books

What ho! Pepys...

The Scene is a kitchen - somewhere in Europe

Cookery presenter (to camera):

“Hello everyone! Today I’m going to be showing you how to make a 'Hash up'

It's based entirely around the european economy. 

First you need a pan (european strategy) 

a single currant (see?) 

and lots of member states with greedy appetites. 

Now just add Greece to get that economy simmering nicely. 

Hmm, but wait!...something smells a bit fishy! 

Would you credit it? (Yes, we'd be happy to). 

At this point just throw in several extra trillions 

and stir generously. 

If some of the package sticks then simply add more liquid capital. 

That’ll budget. 

Pop the lid on while you can and let that simmer unchecked for a few years.

Now whack up the taxes to get things a bit hotter until the economy’s in a stew. 

When it all starts to boil over....

First downgrade the credit rating...

...then pour scorn on the mixture

and watch it all meltdown. 

You'll see now that the whole thing is well and truly half-baked...

...so you just dish out generous portions of the collective debt to everyone

(whether they like it or not).

Let’s have a taste.

Hmmm. Hard to swallow?

Well just add some more Quantative Easing to help it all go down the pan.

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel