Sunday, 30 September 2012

Lord Noel On Pirates

What ho! Pepys...


All the big entertainment companies complain continually about piracy of their products.
And I feel that everyone can do their bit to prevent Piracy.
Not only by not downloading stuff from the internet....
....but by doing what I do...
...and standing up every twenty minutes in the cinema....
.... and shouting out 'Bollocks!'


Tallyho!   Best Wishes - Lord Noel


Lord Noel Gets Clever

Whatto! Peeps....


I was in the A & E 
when I was given an IOU 
so I immediately suspected 
vowel play.

Tallyho!
(sorry)
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Friday, 28 September 2012

Lord Noel On Preferences

What ho! Pepys...

Tarquin finally realises that he actually prefers women

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Thursday, 27 September 2012

Lord Noel Spends Two Bob

What ho! Pepys...

Me giving my own personal God head

Today a cub scout came to my door...
...asking if I wanted any 'odd jobs' doing...
...so I've set him to work reglittering my aardvark...
...and clotterising my Stenchlenses

Tallyho!
Best Wishes- Lord Noel

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Lord Noel On Cereal Killers

What ho! Pepys...


Are you an American who likes to start the day with a nice bowl of flakes?
Do you consider this a 'Healthy' start to the day?


Did you know that 85% of wheat in the USA is Genetically Modified?


DID you also know that a recent Scientific study proves that GM wheat causes Cancerous tumours in rats?
These rats grew massive lethal tumours inside their body's after being fed entirely on GM wheat.


For just FOUR MONTHS!
At the moment the only way of knowing if your bowl of cereal contains GM wheat or not is to write to the manufacturer to find out...and there's no way of knowing if you'll EVER receive a reply.


Wouldn't it be more sensible if each pack was labelled?


That way YOU can decide for yourself!
That's what this is all about - http://www.carighttoknow.org/
Here in Europe we have GM food labels and have had to work hard to prevent companies like MONSANTO introducing GM additives by stealth but this has become easier as more of MONSANTO's dirty tricks become known to the public.
MONSANTO makes a fortune from producing GM Wheat worldwide so their toxic products are already a major part of the human food chain for much of the World. They doesn't want you to know this information because it would adversely affect their precious Profits.
Don't expect your Politicians to do anything to help you. BOTH Obama and Romney are confirmed supporters of Monsanto who have used powerful Political support, gained through MASSIVE financial contributions, to allow them to conduct unrestricted business for years.
But what's more important?
Their Profits?
or your Health?
If you know what's good for you - Support 'PROPOSITION 37'
http://www.youtube.com/user/nutiva?feature=watch


Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel - Living Leg end

Whatto! Peeps...


I love a good Legend
so I was pleased to read an updated version 
of the Knights of the Round Table..
...a marvelous tale of adventure and chivalry.
Very few people seem to realise 
that perhaps the Knight who was best at fighting aliens 
was Sir Gourney-Weaver.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Monday, 24 September 2012

Lord Noel Says "Read All About It!"

What ho! Pepys...
 
 
Strange what makes Headlines sometimes... 
 
"Infertility unlikely to be passed on"
Montgomery Advertiser

"Teen-age girls often have babies 
fathered by men"
The Sunday Oregonian

"Man shoots neighbor with machete"
The Miami Herald

"Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear"
Journal of Commerce

"Some phone psychics provide useless, 
erroneous information"
Staten Island Sunday Advance

"Iowa moves back to Pittsburgh"
The Flint Journal

"Chick Accuses Some of Her Male Colleagues 
of Sexism":
The Los Angeles Times
 
 
 Tallyho!
 
Best Wishes - Lord Noel 

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Lord Noel on Modelling

Whatto! Peeps...


I've just finished 
my self-assembly model 
of the Greek god of shepherds.
It took longer than I expected because there was a blockage in some of the pipes
but now it's finally complete 
I love it... when a Pan comes together.
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord noel

Lord Noel's Dating Tips

What ho! Pepys...


Everyone said Rex was barking mad - until they met his girlfriend

Unless you're a Zoophile, sooner or later you will find yourself making an effort to meet other humanoids. Your preference will initially be for what you consider to be 'like minded' persons (ie. persons with no friends like yourself). The good news is that these persons will be very easy to find! Just stay at home and try out online dating! It's very popular right now and it's where inanimate computers decide who would be the best match for you. So if, after inputting all the information about yourself, you end up with someone horrible you know who to blame.
You could try advertising yourself in obscure Arty magazines which you believe would only be read by the interesting people you would like to meet (bearing in mind that they will be doing exactly the same thing). If you choose this route there are many abbreviations that are used in adverts which are designed to save time and money by those wishing to link up with you quickly for a quiet romantic evening in some secluded layby.
Some of the more popular dating ad abbreviations are quite confusing so be careful!
MSW - 'Masterful slave worship'
TDAH - 'Likes making theatrical entrances'
OOH - 'I have massive genitals'
PDA - 'Addicted to electrical devices'
GSOH - 'Go suck on hemorrhoids'
WTM - 'Where's the money'?
WDYBIAS - 'Will Dump Your Body In A Skip'.

You're welcome!

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Saturday, 22 September 2012

Lord Noel On Pollution

What ho! Pepys...


There's an awful lot of garbage spoken about pollution - despite it often being extremely pleasant to look at! Just look at all the pretty colours from this lorry spill for proof.
Landfill is a tried and tested system which has been specifically designed to take care of all the rubbish you want to throw away perfectly okay. After all - all the stuff we chuck originally came from the Earth anyway - so we're really just returning it to her - for her to do her magic stuff on it. We can even chuck it all into the sea and create huge new continents formed completely from discarded rubbish! Aren't we clever?
And don't forget - with currently technology we can ALWAYS improve on nature!
Rainwater was normally very pure until we started producing chemtrails in the skies so now it contains some very interesting toxin poisons that can harm you and get into your food. But don't worry about that! This is precisely why we invented GM crops! They can survive no end of poisonous sprays and chemicals being dumped on them through fertilisers and insecticides.
This is exactly where we are able to show IMPROVEMENTS on Nature and merge genetic material from another species with another - enabling us to cross a cat with a tomato for example, to get a tomato that can lick itself clean!
The fact that eating this particular tomato may cause stomach cancer in humans is just something we are currenlty working on to improve still further the MEDICINE you can take to counteract the effects of the vegetables we are creating. See?! It all works out fine in the end!
Some people are beginning to say things like "We shouldn't be eating processed food because it contains GM products which are harmful to us and also cross contaminate normal crops in Nature by fertilising them so GM crops will be undetectable in the food chain and will have changed our environment forever!"
To those people I simply say.....
"You know too much."

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Friday, 21 September 2012

Lord Noel on Cooking The Books

What ho! Pepys...

The Scene is a kitchen - somewhere in Europe
Cookery presenter (to camera):
“Hello everyone! Today I’m going to be showing you how to make a 'Hash up'
It's based entirely around the european economy. 
First you need a pan (european strategy) 
a single currant (see?) 
and lots of member states with greedy appetites. 
Now just add Greece to get that economy simmering nicely. 
Hmm, but wait!...something smells a bit fishy! 
Would you credit it? (Yes, we'd be happy to). 
At this point just throw in several extra trillions 
and stir generously. 
If some of the package sticks then simply add more liquid capital. 
That’ll budget. 
Pop the lid on while you can and let that simmer unchecked for a few years.
Now whack up the taxes to get things a bit hotter until the economy’s in a stew. 
When it all starts to boil over....
First downgrade the credit rating...
...then pour scorn on the mixture
and watch it all meltdown. 
You'll see now that the whole thing is well and truly half-baked...
...so you just dish out generous portions of the collective debt to everyone
(whether they like it or not).
Let’s have a taste.
Hmmm. Hard to swallow?
Well just add some more Quantative Easing to help it all go down the pan.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Lord Noel's Useful Motivational Phrases

What ho! Pepys...


When I worked for the Government I was a manager...
...a leader...
...and a motivator of people.
Here are a selection of the Motivational phrases I regularly used to keep my team in top form.
Please feel free to re-release them into your workplace.

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

4. Any connection between your reality and mine right now is entirely coincidental.

5. I have plenty of talent and visionbut on this occasion I just don't care.

6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and very stupid.

7. What have I become? Flypaper for freaks!?

8. I'm not being rude I just feel that you're totally insignificant.

9. I'm already visualizing my duct tape over your mouth.

10. I will always cherish those initial misconceptions I had about you.

11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but you'll be glad to know that my duties are largely ceremonial.

13. No, my powers can only be used for good.

14. How about never? Is never good for you?

15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to properly worship me.

16. You're starting to sound very reasonable so it's clearly time to up my medication.

17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

18. I'm out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message .

19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at a cellular level I'm really very busy.

23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

24. Thank you for validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

26. Someday, we'll look back on all of this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.


Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Monday, 17 September 2012

Lord (NHS) Noel MD

Whatto! Peeps...



In an effort to single-handedly prop up our ailing NHS system
I am offering to help those who are too poor or too ill or just too bally lazy
to Diagnose their own medical conditions
So here's another missive from my bulging sacks

Dear Lord Noel! You MUST help me!
As a result of certain (shall we say) 'Private' experiments I have been carrying out on myself in my spare time
I have developed a terrible condition which is ruining my life!
It consists of swelling and redness on my stomach
swelling and rashiness to my buttocks, 
and also red patches and blisters around my testicles and penis. 
Yours tenderly
Herbert Flange

 Dear Herbert
Woah! Too much inflammation!

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Saturday, 15 September 2012

Lord Noel on TV

Whatto! Peeps...


This week I'll be watching
"A gruesome murder involving a wardrobe and a lion!" 
on CSI: Lewes
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Friday, 14 September 2012

Lord Noel On Army Humour

What ho! Pepys...



As the invasions and bombings and threats continue many people throughout the world are beginning to think that our Armies are just heartless killers who will stop at nothing for their Political masters so here are some 'Useful Military Warnings' which prove that at least the US Army has a sense of humor!



"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher



"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army



"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop



"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal



"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance



"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual



"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal



"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance



"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal



"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David Hackworth



"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal



"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay



"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once." - Anonymous



"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit



"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies



(And lastly)



"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." - U.S. Ammo Troop




Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel



Thursday, 13 September 2012

Lord Noel On Being Unhealthily Rich

What ho! Pepys...


Long, long ago in a far away land known as Ukland...
...a very very rich and privileged family lived in a massive Palace.
They were given every indulgence known to humankind.
They were showered with gifts and even more Palaces...
...by the people who loved them so deeply.
But the people watched on with growing sadness as the rich people's marriages broke apart...
...and their ex-partners got killed off in car crashes...
...and the people saw that the incredibly wealthy lifestyle of this very important family didn't seem to make them any happier...
...they seemed sooooo sad!
Even when they were given front row seats at the Olympic games!


Then, one day, they discovered something which suddenly made them all very happy again!
Something which would allow them to be free from the constraints placed upon them by their massively burdensome wealth...
NUDITY!
Yeah! Priceless Katy Muddleton finally got her tits out!


Now even the French (who are world renowned for their intrusive kissing techniques) are shocked by this young lady's pert boobies and firm taut rippling youthful bootox!

Tallyho! That's Throneworthy Top Tottie!

And all of this falling out into the Pubic gaze so soon after Prinz Harri Ramma got all of his nakedness on in La La Land during his drug fuelled holiday break!


It's been said that it was as a direct result of young Harri's behaviour in and around their Palace that Princeless Muddleton first got her idea to publicly polish her Royal Jugs.
Well I can tell you that the selfless actions of this very special family are having a great effect on everyone here in Ukland!
Now everyone's getting naked!
Yes! Every party one goes to nowadays has at least one Katy Muddleton present doing a topless number for everyone's pleasure and enjoyment...


...and it's all done in the best possible taste.


And the spirit of every young Ukland soldier has improved dramatically from seeing this family's wonderful example, as they loyally strip orf their stuffy Army uniforms and let the warm dessert air whistle around their Iraqi caves.

Young Harri's Regimental pals bravely stand to attention sporting only cock camouflage

And the other great plus is that they won't be able to do any fighting in their current condition.
SO WORLD PEACE TOO!
Yes! It's done us all wonders and now Ukland is wallowing in a giant heaving steamy lovenest of nudity!


Now even the older generation of Queens are trying to get in on the act!


You can't Lick that!

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel



Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Lord Noel Asks "Did You Know?"

What ho! Pepys...


 
Did You Know?

The trampoline was originally invented to get tramps up hills?
But they can also be used to prevent suicidal businessmen from hurting themselves.
IMPORTANT: Do NOT use if the businessman is a Banker.

You're welcome!

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Lord Noel Spots Propaganda

What ho! Pepys!
Can someone please help to pull this video from the Web asap? The Public are NOT authorised to view this kind of information at this time!
Thank you
Tallyho! Lord Noel

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Lord Noel On 9/11

What ho! Pepys...



­Today, as some of the world pauses to remember the eleventh anniversary of the 9/11 terror attacks on the United States, it is also important to remember the inexplicable things that happened – and didn’t happen – that tragic day. After all, 9/11 is solely responsible for diminishing hard-fought US civil rights, as well as triggering wars around the world. Without wandering into the tall grass of conspiracy theory, here are 11 well documented mysteries of 9/11 that warrant an investigation into the two hours that changed the course of world history.


1. Why did the Bush administration allow numerous Saudi nationals, and, more importantly, the family of Osama bin Laden to leave the United States in the days following the events of 9/11?

First, it is important to remember that the events of 9/11 were foremost criminal acts, albeit on a massive, almost unfathomable scale. Thus, the authorities should have followed all of the normal procedures that usually accompany any normal criminal investigation. Yet, practically every step of the investigation was severely flawed as if a ‘terrorist attack’ was somehow different from "a criminal attack" and therefore did not qualify for a formal investigation.

Example number one: Why were so many relatives of Osama bin Laden given a free pass out of Dodge after 9/11?

As clearly outlined in the 9/11 Commission Report, "After the airspace reopened, six chartered flights with 142 people, mostly Saudi Arabian nationals, departed from the United States between September 14 and 24. One flight, the so-called Bin Ladin flight, departed the United States on September 20 with 26 passengers, most of them relatives of Usama Bin Ladin."

The glaring question remains: Why did we allow the people who had the most to tell us about Osama bin Laden to acquire yet more frequent flier mileage? There remains the possibility that the terror mastermind communicated with at least one family member before the attacks. After all, we were told he was a tech-savvy guy.

Jack Cloonan, a former senior agent on the joint FBI-CIA Al-Qaeda task force (who is interviewed in Michael Moore’s documentary film, Fahrenheit 9/11), asks why the bin Laden family “was allowed to leave the country…without anyone getting their statements on record in any kind of formal proceeding, and with little more than a brief interview.”

Meanwhile, two days after the Sept. 11 attacks, with most of the nation's aircraft still grounded, a Learjet 35 landed at Tampa International Airport (TIA), picked up three young Saudi men and left to an undetermined location. TIA officials, as quoted by local media sources, have already confirmed that the flight did take place.

According to The St. Petersburg Times (Florida): “The odyssey of the small LearJet 35 is part of a larger controversy over the hasty exodus from the United States in the days immediately after 9/11 of members of the Saudi royal family and relatives of Osama bin Laden.”

Richard Clarke, who ran the White House crisis team after the attacks, said the White House feared that the Saudis could face domestic ''retribution'' for the hijackings if they remained in the United States. Is that a good reason to allow these people to escape the clutches of an ongoing investigation?

By allowing members of the bin Laden family to leave the country violates the most basic element of any criminal investigation: talk to the family members; if anybody has valuable information about the suspect, it is them. Furthermore, not wanting to inconvenience the bin Ladens is a slap in the face to the American people. Think about it: The family members of America’s most wanted terrorist were permitted to flee the country – on airplanes – following the hijackings of 9/11, yet American travelers are the ones who must succumb to “virtual strip searches” and other intrusive security measures at US airports. Where is the logic?

2. How can we explain the huge increase in trading on airline stocks in the days before 9/11?

Judging by the behavior of the stock market in the days leading up to the morning of 9/11, it seems that some individuals knew something very big was looming on the horizon.

One week after 9/11, The Chicago Board Options Exchange, the world's largest options market, said it was investigating reports of unusual trading activity before the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington.

In the days before the attacks, unusually high numbers of ‘put options’ (put options allow an investor to make money in the event that the price of the stock decreases) were placed on American Airlines and United Airlines, which each had two planes hijacked. Investigators said there was no such trend involving put options on other airline stock.

On September 6-7, when there was no significant news involving United Airlines (UAL), the Chicago exchange handled 4,744 put options for UAL stock, compared with just 396 ‘call options’ (as opposed to put options, call option are bets that the stock price will rise). Later, on September 10, American Airlines received just 748 call options and 4,516 put options, based on option trading records. CBS News reported that this type of trade activity was, respectively, 90 percent and 60 percent above normal.

On Sept. 17, 2001, the first day of trading following the 9/11 attacks, shares of AMR fell 39 percent, and UAL stock plunged 42 percent, thus making some individuals a lot of money.

"I saw put-call numbers higher than I've ever seen in 10 years of following the markets, particularly the options markets," John Kinnucan, a principal of Broadband Research, a telecommunications research firm, told the San Francisco Chronicle. "When one sees this type of activity, the first thing one does is ask oneself, 'What is the explanation? What are people worried about?' "

Eleven years after the events of 9/11, the identity of the individuals who profited on American and United Airline stocks nosediving remains a mystery. Some suggest that Osama bin Laden himself was responsible for placing stock market bets from his cave in Afghanistan. If this scenario were true, who purchased the stocks on behalf of al-Qaeda? Why have the identities of these individuals not been made public? Furthermore, would bin Laden have risked exposing his operation by buying massive amounts of put options on the very aircraft he planned to hijack? Such suspicious stock market activity would have (should have) tipped off regulators, not to mention the FBI.

This suspicious stock market activity (other industries seriously affected by the terrorist attacks, including the insurance and investment sectors, also experienced higher-than-normal activity in the days preceding 9/11) makes it almost certain that some individuals knew beforehand that something involving airplanes was about to occur.

Had the Bush administration not permitted the bin Laden family from leaving the country without questioning, this mystery may have been further explored.

3. Why was there no disciplinary action taken against the individuals who were responsible for protecting America from attack?

Since when has incompetence become a prerequisite for a job promotion? In the weeks and months following 9/11, not a single person in charge with protecting America from an attack suffered any sort of disciplinary action. In fact, they got just the opposite: promotions.

Here is a short list of the Bush overachievers:

Richard Myers. At the time of the 9/11 attacks, Harry Shelton, the highest-ranking US military official, was exactly where he should not have been: on a plane over the Atlantic heading to a NATO meeting. This unfortunate case of bad timing meant that Richard Myers, his Vice-Chairman, was in charge of running the Pentagon. This put Myers in the position of overseeing the interception of the four pirated commercial jets that were veering wildly out of their flight paths. Although NORAD carried out dozens of interceptions in the months prior to 9/11, not a single fighter jet took to the skies to defend the two juiciest pieces of American real estate: New York and Washington. Just three days after 9/11, following the stunning failure to guard American skies, Myers was promoted from Vice-Chairman to Chairman.

Montague Winfield. Winfield was originally scheduled to be at his command post on the morning of Sept. 11. One day before, however, he arranged for his deputy, Captain Charles Leidig, to relieve him on Sept. 11 at exactly 8:30 am. This turned out to be just eight minutes before the military was alerted to the strange behavior of the first flight (at 8:38 am according to the timeline in The 9/11 Commission Report). Winfield’s absence proved disastrous because the National Military Command Center (NMCC) was responsible for coordinating information on the 9/11 attack. In May of 2003, Winfield was promoted to the two-star rank of major general.

Ralph Eberhart, in charge of NORAD on 9/11. On a day in which basic procedures should have prevented the attacks of 9/11, the attacks were being mirrored in military drills hundreds of miles away. When asked by the 9/11 Commission if the war games “helped” the response to the 9/11 attacks, Eberhart responded, “Sir, my belief is that it helped because of the manning, because of the focus, because the crews – they have to be airborne in 15 minutes and that morning, because of the exercise, they were airborne in six or eight minutes. And so I believe that focus helped.” It is difficult to see how the war games helped since it is obvious none of the hijacked commercial aircraft were intercepted by fighter jets during the attacks. Leidig was promoted in 2004 to Admiral.

Did the conduct of these men on 9/11 warrant promotions?

4. Why was the Bush administration so adamantly opposed to conducting any sort of investigation into the events of 9/11?

If it had been up to the Bush administration, there would have been no government commission devoted to understanding what went so horribly wrong on 9/11. This is crucial for obvious reasons, like ensuring that such an attack never occur again. Yet, only after intense pressure from the families of 9/11 victims did the Bush administration finally agree to authorizing a commission hearing. And who did Bush want to put in charge of the commission? None other than Henry Kissinger himself. After Kissinger would resign from the commission on Dec. 12, 2002, after he declined to disclose the client list of his consulting firm, the post was awarded to another Washington insider, Philip Zelikow.

For those wondering why the 9/11 Commission had so many gaping holes in its story, consider the following: The US government forked over $175 million investigating the Challenger space shuttle disaster and $30 million digging up the dirt in the Monica Lewinsky scandal. Yet the Bush administration could only spare $15 million pocket change for the 9/11 Commission. Although 9/11 represented the deadliest attack on US soil, the Bush administration apparently thought it had nothing to learn from the experience. Isn't this severely shortchanging future administrations in their own efforts to guard America from outside attack?


5. Vanishing Act: WTC 7

For many people, the collapse of the 47-story World Trade Center 7 complex remains the most inexplicable event of 9/11. Building 7 was never hit by an airplane, yet it became the third steel-framed building in history, behind the North and South Towers, to collapse due to fire in a single day. Some eight hours after the free-fall collapse of the first two structures, Building 7 collapsed to the ground in almost free-fall speed, which some architects and engineers say is suggestive that the massive under-structure of the buildings was somehow being destroyed as the much smaller upper floors were descending. And just like the North and South towers, WTC 7 fell precisely into its own footprint, which is pretty remarkable considering that demolition experts are paid a lot of money to make sure that that is exactly what happens when they bring down structures. Should we just do away with demolition experts and fly commercial jets into skyscrapers that we want to get rid of?

But the real mystery of the collapse of Building 7 is that it is never mentioned once in the final 9/11 Commission Report. This is all the more strange considering that WTC 7 housed an Emergency Command Center for the City of New York that Mayor Rudolph Giuliani had built in the mid-1990’s. On the morning of September 11th, however, Giuliani did not head to his Command Center, with its open view of the Twin Towers, but rather to a makeshift, street-level headquarters away from the action. WTC 7 also held the offices of numerous government agencies, including the Department of Defense, the CIA, the Secret Service, the IRS, and the Security and Exchange Commission. Was WTC 7 considered too top secret to mention in a public commission report?


6. Why was the US Air Force missing in action?

Before 9/11, it has always been standard operating procedure (SOP) for the Federal Aviation Administration, in cooperation with NORAD, to scramble jet fighters whenever an aircraft wanders off course or loses radio contact with air traffic controllers. In fact, it has been estimated that between September 2000 and June 2001, interceptors were scrambled 67 times. In the year 2000, fighter jets were scrambled 129 times. So how did it happen that on 9/11 that not a single fighter jet engaged four commercial jets over a 90-minute period? How was it possible that the Pentagon, the headquarters of the biggest national military in the world, was hit a full 1 hour and 20 minutes after the attacks began? Why was there no response from Andrews Air Force Base, just 10 miles away and home to Air National Guard units charged with defending the skies above the nation’s capital? Why has there been no disciplinary action for this appalling case of negligence?


7. Why were President George W. Bush and his Vice President, Dick Cheney permitted to provide testimony to the 9/11 Commission on the condition that they present it in private and together?

As anyone who has ever watched a detective movie understands, witnesses and suspects are best questioned alone to expose any inconsistencies in their stories. Yet Bush and Cheney violated this first rule by testifying behind closed doors to the 9/11 Commission and without being placed under oath. Meanwhile, their testimony has never been made public. New Jersey Gov. Thomas Kean, the chairman of the 9/11 Commission, joked about the tag-team appearance featuring the president. "We're happy just to have him talk to us," Kean told CBS News.

8. No sign of crashed planes at the Pentagon and Shanksville, Pennsylvania

By now, most people are familiar with what an airplane crash site looks like. The area is strewn with debris that usually includes everything from the tail section to the engines. Yet the crash sites on 9/11 did not resemble anything like this. In fact, practically nothing resembling a plane crash was visible. This transcript was from a CNN reporter live at the scene on the ground minutes after Flight 77 reportedly crashed into the Pentagon: ”From my close-up inspection, there’s no evidence of a plane having crashed anywhere near the Pentagon. The only sign is the actual side of the building that is crashed and as I said the only pieces left that you can see are small enough that you could pick up in your hand. There are no large tail sections, wing sections, a fuselage, nothing like that anywhere around which would indicate that an entire plane crashed into the side of the Pentagon…”

The official explanation is that the intense heat from the crash vaporized the entire plane, even the engines, despite the fact that these are made of steel and titanium alloy, are 9 feet in diameter, 12 feet long and weigh six tons each. Was it possible for these engines to disintegrate upon impact?

Meanwhile, Flight 93, which crashed just outside of Pittsburgh, was not the first aircraft in history to plummet to earth. Yet it may very well be the first such crash that showed no sign of a plane. Here is Fox News discussing the crash site live, minutes after Flight 93 came down in a field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

Fox News: Chris, I’ve seen the pictures, it looks like there’s nothing there except for a hole in the ground.

Chris Kinicky: Basically, that’s right. The only things you could see from where we were was a big gouge in the earth and some broken trees. We could see some people working walking around in the area.

Fox: Any large pieces of debris at all?

CK: No, there was nothing. Nothing that you could distinguish that a plane had crashed there.

Fox: Smoke? Fire?

CK: Nothing, It was quiet, actually, it was very quiet. Nothing going on down there. No smoke, no fire. Just a couple of people walking around. They looked like they were part of the NTSB (National Transportation Safety Board).

Fox: How big would you say that hole was?

CK: I guess it was probably about 15 to 20 feet long, and 10 feet wide.

The lack of debris at the site has attracted speculation that the aircraft was shot down by US fighter jets as the plane was circling back toward New York and Washington.



9. Pentagon videos missing in action

Given that it is the main hub of the world’s mightiest military, the Pentagon was monitored 24/7 with dozens of security video cameras from various locations, including from a Citco gas station, Sheraton Hotel and the Virginia Department of Transportation. All of these cameras (estimated to be around 80) would have captured Flight 77 as it hit the Pentagon. Yet. according to witnesses, the FBI arrived at these locations soon after the crash and confiscated all of the tapes. For five years they refused to provide the public with a single viewing, which would have gone far at removing much of the suspicions surrounding this particular event. Then, in 2005, in response to a freedom of information lawsuit, the FBI finally released several videos. Of the tapes released, only one shows what is allegedly Flight 77 crashing into the Pentagon. However, no airplane is visible in the video frame, just a wisp of white smoke and an ensuing fireball.

10. Black Boxes missing in action

Commercial aircraft carry two black boxes. Each box carries different flight information: a cockpit voice recorder and a flight date recorder. The latter box records at least 20 different flight parameters, such as time, altitude, speed and trajectory. According to an Internet film on the 9/11 attacks, Loose Change, the boxes are made from “the most impervious metals known to man.” The Associated Press reported that “the recorders are built to withstand fire, water and blunt-force impact, and are located in the tail for maximum protection.” Ted Lopatkiewicz, spokesman for the NTSB, told CBS News, “It’s extremely rare that we don’t get the recorders back. I can’t recall another domestic case in which we did not recover the recorders.” Yet, the government claims that none of these boxes have been found. Consider: all four nearly indestructible black boxes from the four commercial aircraft are allegedly destroyed in the crashes, yet the passport of one Satan Suqami, a Saudi national said to have been among the group that hijacked Flight 11, was found lying on a side street of Manhattan near the WTC complex.

Meanwhile, conflicting reports concerning the whereabouts of the black boxes continue to swirl. Nicholas DeMasi, a firefighter who assisted in the WTC search efforts, says in his book “Behind the Scenes: Ground Zero”: “At one point I was assigned to take Federal Agents around the site to search for the black boxes from the planes. There were a total of four. We found three.” Indeed, media reports suggest at times that the boxes were discovered, while at other times denying it.

The Associated Press reported: “The four recorders from the other two hijacked planes – American Airlines Flight 77, which was flown into the Pentagon, and United Flight 93, which crashed near Somerset, Pa. – were recovered within days. FBI Director Robert Mueller said Flight 77's data recorder provided altitude, speed, headings and other information, but the voice recorder contained nothing useful. He declined to say what was gleaned from recorders on Flight 93, whose passengers evidently fought the hijackers before the Boeing 757 went down in a field, killing all aboard.”

11. The Hijackers

Another mysterious twist in the story of 9/11 concerns the perpetrators of the terror attack, believed to have been 19 members of al-Qaeda, mostly from Saudi Arabia. Yet just days after the attacks, the BBC was already reporting that four of the alleged terrorists were alive and well.

“Saudi Arabian pilot Waleed Al Shehri was one of five men that the FBI said had deliberately crashed American Airlines flight 11 into the World Trade Centre,” according to the BBC. “Now he is protesting his innocence from Casablanca, Morocco."

The report went on to mention Abdulaziz Al Omari, another of the Flight 11 hijack suspects, who is protesting his association with the attacks. Omari claims he is an engineer with Saudi Telecoms and lost his passport while studying in Denver, Colorado.

Meanwhile, Asharq Al Awsat newspaper, a London-based Arabic daily, says it has interviewed Saeed Alghamdi, while another suspect, Khalid Al Midhar, is also alive.

Since the events of 9/11/2001, a total of seven of the alleged hijackers have turned up alive, yet their names continue to appear among those of the individuals who pirated four commercial jets and used them as weapons of mass destruction against prime US targets, killing 3,000 innocent people and changing the course of world history in ways that we can only begin to imagine.

But then...maybe that was the whole point?  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=jLXyB5GtfBU


And now a message from our Corporate sponsor...

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel On Being Prepared

What ho! Pepys...


I love being in the outdoors....
...and when I was younger there was nothing I liked better than going camping....
I belonged to a local Scouting group and we used to have an annual camp in the middle of the Lake District where we could enjoy the outdoor life to the full.


The other day I was going through some of my old school books in the attic and I came across this letter I'd sent home from one particular camping expedition....
...which I think captures the flavour of it quite nicely.

"Whatto! Mama and Papa......Lord Noel here! Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you heard about the flood on the radio and were worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, can you please call Adam's mother and tell her that he is okay? He can't write himself because of his cast. 
I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was terribly exciting. I don't think we would ever have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning storm.


Scoutmaster Keith got very angry at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put a gas cylinder onto a fire, it will blow up?
The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did..... and also some of our clothes. We were told that Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault it got damaged. The brakes worked okay when we left Norfolk but Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get any insurance.
I think it's a lovely old bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bonnet. He lets us take turns riding in the trailer until the Police man stopped and talked to us. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in the bus but that's because it is only made for 24.
Scoutmaster Keith is a lovely chap. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching my friend Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where it's nice and quiet. 


We cooked dinner on the camp fire last night but Steven and I threw up. Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said he got sick that way with food that they ate in prison. He was only in for a few years for something called pedal-filing. I think he must have fixed bicycles.


I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters and buy some more beer and ammunition. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.
Lots of love, your son - Lord Noel"

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Friday, 7 September 2012

Lord Noel's Unusual Condition

Whatto! Peeps... 

I ran into our local pub and shouted to the barman, "Quick Steve, pour me 5 shots of your best Brandy!" 
Steve poured them out as quickly as he could....
....and I began drinking them as fast as I could. 
"Lord Noel!" he said in shock... "that's the fastest I've seen anyone drinking Brandy!"
"Well..." I replied with increasing calmness, as I reached the last shot "you'd drink that fast if you had what I had,"
The barman said "Really Lord Noel?....What on earth do you have?" 
...and I replied....
..."50 pence!"


Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel