Lord Noel Thinks Stuff

What ho! Pepys....

I have learned a number of interesting things during my short life. Here are a random five of them...
Number 1. People say to me "Money cannot buy you happiness Lord Noel." And I reply "Well I suppose that's true to a certain extent but I have to say that it's much more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle."
Number 2. Negativity is a terrible thing to carry through your life so I would encourage everyone to warmly embrace one of my Rules of life which is: Always forgive your enemy.
(Just remember their name).
Number 3. Some people say to me "A friend in need Lord Noel is a friend indeed" and I say to these people "What the hell are you doing in my kitchen?" and then (when I realise they are the Cook) I add "Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again". Is this really what you want? If it is - good for you.
Number 4. I honestly believe that many, many, many people are alive today only because it's illegal to shoot them. Their time may be coming - sooner than they think. Check out 'real' media sources for honest news of growing Fascist State exploits in a country near YOU!.
Number 5. People also say to me (because I am quite an approachable - What the hell are you looking at?! - kind of person ) "Lord Noel - You above all others should know that alcohol doesn't solve any problems" and I agree with them too - but then neither does milk! In fact I think you'll find that the problem solving properties of any liquid are highly over rated.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel