JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational
skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include
evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping
sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away
cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs money
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to
go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the
screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small
gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Duties include screening phone calls, maintaining calendars and coordinating production
of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of
all ages and mental outlooks.
Candidates are expected to be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the
next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million
cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Attitude must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
You must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end
product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work
throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
None! In fact you pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption
that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The beauty of this innovative reverse-salary scheme is that you will actually
enjoy it and wish you could do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this
job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional
love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
PS "THERE IS NO RETIREMENT" -- EVER!
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel
