Whatto! Peeps....
Many people have asked me "Lord Noel, how can I possibly hope to save money during this time of great austerity?" So I have decided to compile some practical suggestions as to how you can clamp down on your expenses without ruining your lifestyle. You're Welcome!
1. Food bills can be enormous, but there's no reason to let them get out of hand. You can easily snip the tails off several hundred tadpoles using nail scissors to make a tasty and inexpensive cavier substitute!
2. Why spend thousands of pounds having corrective eye laser surgery?.... when you can easily carry out your own! Simply remove the back of your CD player whilst it's switched on and stare into it for long periods!
3. Many people are doing their own DIY work around the house to save oceans of cash, but did you know that once warmed up, the jelly from regular pork pies can easily be spread with a brush onto doors, cupboards and skirting as an inexpensive substitute for varnish?
4. With transport costs going through the roof (and those lovely Americans keeping all the cheap oil for themselves) it's easy to forget that you can save petrol by simply pushing your car to your destination! Many passers-by will think you have broken down and offer to help!
5. Instead of buying an expensive laptop computer, simply use a box of Black Magic chocolates! You can open it up in front of you and stare at the menu on the inside of the lid whilst tapping away happily on the chocolates with your fingers! This has the added bonus of also giving you a handy supply of delicious sweeties if you get peckish!
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| Cynthia gets fresh with Gladys whilst Sue and Mary try to ignore them |
6. Did you know that you can easily modernise those old fashioned flared trousers by simply removing the triangle of cloth sewn into the bottom of each leg? These colourful triangles can then be attached to a length of string to provide colourful bunting for Royal Wedding celebrations!
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel
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