Sunday, 11 December 2011

Lord Noel's Update on a Newly Ordered World

What ho! Pepys...

Those of you who are interested in following the developments leading to the formation of a New World Order will be pleased to know that things are progressing nicely in America who are at the forefront of developments.
Thanks to the very close links forged between Politicians and leading members of the Financial Community we are almost ready for the Banks to pull the final plug on currency worldwide allowing it to plummet dramatically in value. It is highly likely that all currencies will all drop to pre-war German levels - i.e virtually worthless.
The single 'One World' currency will be ready to replace all the present currencies (on the obvious understanding that major changes will have to be made to current arrangements).
Is your name on the list?...Coz if it isn't....you can't join in.

Mass panic should of course, result - allowing the Government to swiftly instigate Martial Law and quickly remove all belligerents and trouble-makers from the streets.
There will be plenty of help from UN Troops (now fully trained in forced entry and search of civilian property) assisted by specially authorised Civilians. Detainees will be taken to the many FEMA camps now in operation around the United States. These camps also have a huge capacity and are close to railway lines for ease of transportation.

But let us not be complacent, there are still plenty of things to be done before we reach that stage. A Nuclear World War would quickly bring the other countries of the world into line AND reduce the population in the process. Most of the Nuclear and Germ Warfare attacks can take place using Drones thus removing the need for vital Military Personnel to be overseas whilst things get busy in the USA, although a high rate of casualties in a War arena would undoubtably assist us to reach the desired population levels much sooner. Things would go smoother in America if the number of guns in existence were dramatically reduced. So plans are currently underway to purchase American Gun store chains with a view to removing all weapons thus making Policing of the dissident population less dangerous for State personnel when the time comes.


Thanks to the legislatative changes that have already been put in place, all of these changes can be easily and swiftly enforced whenever necessary by a simple signature from The President.
In the unlikely event (after World War and orchestrated financial depression) that the population do not riot, it is felt that a mass Health Emergency (like a foot and mouth outbreak) could easily be created to facilitate the necessity for Martial Law. There are now so many research laboratories spread throughout America that one of these could easily experience a 'leak' at the most opportune moment. I was pleased to see that the unreliable facility on New York's Plum Island is being moved to Kansas where it can inflict far greater impact.
The underground facility at Denver will be used solely for Government and Leaders who will govern from there using the mobile FEMA command and control modules which are currently stored awaiting initiation by Authorities.

Obviously the FEMA camps have a capability to terminate large numbers of inmates if required (using simple asphyxiation methods with gas systems already installed).
It is hoped that either: similar camps can be created elsewhere in the World or that large numbers of people can be shipped across to America to 'assist with the disaster'. My preferred option would be to bring the equipment from America to implement similar schemes throughout the World.
The Inspirational 'Georgia Guidestones'

Obviously once the target World population of (maximum) 500,000,000 people (detailed above on the Georgia Guidestones) has been reached (requiring a reduction of nine tenths from our present level) there will no longer be a need for military staff. But by then they will have made their ultimate sacrifice for the good of the New World which will result from their heroic actions. Microchips and inoculations are a simple way to achieve this final objective, supplemented by the toxic effects of the Chemtrails experiments and drinking water additives being carried out at present.


The New World will be one of Peace and well being for all who wish it, with technology providing for all foreseeable needs (similar to those outlined in the Venus project) .
There will be no need for wars or weapons as all world resources will be controlled by the Leading Elite for the good of all.
Population growth and movement will be controlled by the implanted microchip everyone will be required to have fitted for identification purposes and to enable free travel anywhere in the world.
The Garden of Eden will be ours once more!

Not long now!
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel


Saturday, 10 December 2011

Lord Noel Advises Scotland

What ho! Pepys...


So many people run away each year
to be secretly married at Gretna Green...
...because it's naughty, secretive and exciting!
Well I believe that Scotland could easily cash in again...
...on a so far untapped section of the wedding market!
Why not make a romantic centre for gay marriages?...
...in the Hebrides?

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Friday, 9 December 2011

Lord Noel Gets What He Wants

Whatto! Peeps...


Today I went to the library 
and asked if they had any books 
They said "Yes we have"
Oh how I laughed...
and they said "Ssssssshhh!"
And then I told them 
(in a whisper)
that I wanted a book on WD-40. 
They told me to check out 
Non-Friction.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Thursday, 8 December 2011

Lord Noel Gets Attacked!

What ho! Pepys....


Last night I went walking alone under the full moon...
along the Weavers way.
The fierce wind was howling through the branches in the trees all around me...
and suddenly I was attacked by a huge snarling, hairy creature!
I was extremely shaken up by this incident...
...but luckily not harmed.
All it did was steal my sandwich box.

I think it was a...
tupperwarewolf.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Lord Noel Says 'Haypee Byrthdaye To Mee!'

What ho! Pepys...


Yet another year has passe'd...
...and as someone lucky enough to have been born under the starsign of Ophiuchus...


...I'm pleased to report that some extra memories have been added to the old rocking chair...
Things that I've said and done....


...pleasures I've derived just from being alive...
...people I've offended just by being alive...(Fuck them!)


...people whose company I've really enjoyed....
...and people whose company I've really missed...


Laughs I've been involved in...
...experiments I've undertaken...(not the clinical one's - they're awful!)


...Music I've composed...
...and things I've made with my own soft, hairy hands....


Some of them rather delicious!
...like the red wine I'm drinking right now...


...which also became a requested 18th Birthday present for my neice...
...(who used to shit her pants whenever I tickled her - by the way)


So we travel onwards and upwards!...
...as Xmas approaches and we celebrate the new sun being born...


...and January...which brings the 'new year' for those following the standard Calendar...
...and Thailand for those studying the 'Lord Noel' calendar....


...(Featuring January, February and March as topless months).
2012 was supposed (according to NASA)...


...to be the year of the massive Solar flare which wipes out civilisation as we know it...
...but that's now been rescheduled for 2013...


Which gives us extra time to eat drink and party!
...and enjoy every sodding Birthday we get!


Who know's what tomorrow might bring?
Oooooh! A Birthday Card?
Sweet Dreams everyone!


Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Monday, 5 December 2011

Lord Noel Joyneth Ye Masquerade

What ho! Pepys...

In my search for continued stymulation of the mind...
...I have to confess...
...that a burning desire has arisen within me of layte...
...to be in attendance at a maske'd ball.


Thus I am please'd to report that we hath attended a Maquerade... 
...being several in number...
...and all suitablee attyred




Beforehand I hath partaken in much reseayrch to discover the histoire of this practice.
...which doth intrigue and fascinate me much.


For is not thye anonymity preserve'd?...
...amongst a gatherying of comely strangers together in the darkening nyght...?

...for all to drink and make merrie until the wee small hours?..
...vouchsafe'd in the knowledge that thy identity wilst remain a secret?
Why...any number of indyscretions cud easily befall a bedfellow such as I...
...in such cyrcumstances!


Which be why......
....the Carnivals were so popular.

 
One mask that fascinates me in particular is called the 'Bauta'
and is the first mask developed in 1800 Century 
to completely hide the wearer's identity and social standing...
(although it was usually only the rich who could afford such finery).
 

The Bauta is designed to be worn together with a Tricorn and a hooded cloak....
...a look which I am particularly fond of... 


...the mask itself covering the mouth...
...but with a convenient outward pointing triangular shape....
... so that the wearer could continue to safely eat and drink...
..without having to remove it and thus reveal their true identity.







Now....here's a portrait of a place called the Ridotto...
Study it for a moment...
...and be transported back in time...


Notice the profusion of Bauta's?
The Ridotto started off as an illicit private room within a Palace...
where members could drink, eat, gamble and fornicate...
...at their leisure...

 
It eventually became better known as a 'Casino'.
Which led to it's participants frequently being imprisoned as Debtors.

There are many other styles of mask worn by today's Carnival goers....
 









...although many of these Traditionally based on the original Masquerade designs...

...but the other one I also like...
...is the one pictured to the right of the Bauta in this next picture


It is known as the 'Medico Della Peste' or 'Plague Doctor's' mask.


It is one of the most bizarre but recognisable of the Venetian masks 
with it's long beaklike protuberance. 


 The 'Doctor'...
(and many of them were merely Tradesmen prior to getting this terrible job) 
..developed a herbal blend of salts and aromatic plants...
(usually rosemary, garlic and juniper) 
...which was packed into this 'beak'



...as it was believed that the smell would keep the bubonic plague away...
...and thus protect the wearer.
It was the same belief that encouraged people to empty their privy's out into the street...
...as they believed the plague couldn't withstand the smell of the excrement dumped there...
(a kind of misguided early attempt at disinfectant)
The job of Plague Doctor was thus not a Profession...
...in which one could expect to live very long.
...................

Whilst many of these pictures show the masks in daylight...


...it's easy to imagine them in the darkened rooms of candlelit buildings...
...where they will take on a much more 'menacyng ayre'.

A fasciniating and powerful scene from an infamous film

But isn't that all part of the intrigue?
It's nice to see that the demand for masks is still alive and well!
So 'Long live The Masquerade!'

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel &c

Sunday, 4 December 2011

Lord Noel on Economyc Recovery

What ho! Pepys...

In these uncertain times...
...I would like to reassure people that what is taking place all over the world...
...is perfectly normal!
It's something that NEEDS to happen...
...for the 'common good'.
The 'Economic Cycle' as it is so aptly named...
...has a tendency to reoccur periodically.
That is the nature of 'cycles'.
And lo!...it is happening again - as foretold in reputable Economic journals of late.
More than anything else I want to assure you that...
...there is no cause for alarm.
No need to start doing anything...
Once a few 'corrective' adjustments have been carried out...
...the status quo will return soon enough.
All that needs to take place is an 'asset realignment'....
...because it has become obvious that a lot of valuable assets....
...appear to be currently owned by relatively poor people.
This won't do.
These assets should be handed over immediately...
...to those who should rightfully posses them...
...people who know only too well the burden of massive wealth...
...and are therefore expertly equipped to deal with yet more of it.
These are assets that would otherwise be squandered by poor people..
...who are TERRORISTS!
So we will be using the valuable and dedicated 'Armed Forces' of the world...
...to make them give it back.
And here at home...
...the banking 'Institutions' will be rectifying the mistakes that have been made over the last few years.
That mortgage that you thought you could afford to buy your new home?...
...Mistake!
Haha...don't worry!
We'll take back the property and leave you with the 'debt admin' side to sort out....
...no need to waste such a valuable asset on someone who can't afford it is there?
Meanwhile, don't forget to 'Max up' those credit cards!
That is - after all - what's keeping our wonderful economy alive.
Anyone who refuses to use their credit card at times like this...
...could easily be regarded as a 'Traitor'...
...or if done deliberately...
...perhaps even a commercial 'Terrorist' against our wonderful consumer society.
Needlees to say...
...whilst all this commotion is going on...
...the 1% of 'absurdly rich' people will once again be in possession of 99% of the Worlds wealth...
...and then we can all begin again.
It's called 'Economic Recovery'or
'Redistribution of Wealth'
Remember - Rich people have baggage too!
It's just that they can afford to pay people to carry it for them.

Stay calm and carry on.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Saturday, 3 December 2011

Lord Noel on Ancient Rome

What ho! Pepys...
According to my recent Archaeological research
the Romans were the only Ancient Civilisation
who knew exactly how they could get 
eleven in the back of a taxi.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel