Lord Noel On War On Words

Whatto! Pepys....

Tony 'Satan' Blair feeling very at home

Hands up all those people who believe what their Government tells them?!
Okay....... still a few...... but not many......
Well, you extremely trusting people...
Do you remember when your Government declared "War on Drugs!"?
I expected the Army to at least nuke a couple of cannabis farms...
...but no.
Instead we invaded Afghanistan and helped the poor, undernourished and terrified farmers to grow a new cash crop!
Heroin!
Yum!
Now Afghanistan has become the largest producer of Heroin in the World!
The "War on Drugs!" is declared a success!
But the fleeting success soon left a growing feeling of emptiness inside the people who made the weapons....
With the "War on Drugs!" over, how could they continue to increase weapon's sales?
They needed another Noun to declare War on!
And, to the rescue of Warmongers everywhere came the wonderfully abstract Campaign creatively entitled "War On Terror!"
'Terror' the Noun that was perceived to be potentially everywhere and/or potentially everyone by the powers that be....
and from which we, the public, could be protected if we would simply back our Government's idea of declaring War against it.
You'll notice that Diplomats have been made redundant by this process?
We no longer 'chat' about Drugs or 'have a discussion' about Terrorism....
...we go straight to 'Go'!...... whilst still passing the "collect 16 zillion dollars" square
(thoughtfully put in place by the wealthy Munitions manufacturers)
And how successful has our "War on Terror!" been exactly?
Well? Do you feel any safer?
Of course you do!
No, neither do I.
There seems to be more bloodshed now than at any time before the "War on Terror!" started....
...with many more innocent civilian casualties....
...and many more Countries being destabilised by armed militia...
...desperate to spread their own version of 'Democracy'....
...Militia who somehow always manage to get hold of machine guns and a Bazooka with useable ammunition...
...even though they apparently live under a tree in a hole up a mountain somewhere!
Come on!
How would even an experienced company like Amazon manage to deliver to somewhere that doesn't even have a proper address?
And they've got Drones!
I live in a First World country and no matter how hard I try (on a scale of 1 to 10 it's probably minus 6) I've never managed to get hold of a working machine gun or Bazooka with ammo!
How the hell does a lowly shepherd, living on a diet of old mutton, manage to attain such equipment?
Do I smell the unbelieveably callous stench of a "greedy profits at any cost" munitions Company?
I think I do.
They are making a stinking great Profit People!
That's the "Free Market" at work!
So why aren't I getting a piece of the action?
Well..... I have given this dilemma a great deal of consideration...
...and with Profiteering in the forefront of my mind I would like to suggest and wholeheartedly support our next Government Funded "Campaign"...
...which I think should be entitled "War on Nature!"
(I was going to go with "War on Weather!" but I believe our Governments have already begun that War without our consent - so expect bloody awful weather for the foreseeable future)
No!....My idea of a "War on Nature!" has been carefully considered based on past events...
If it pans out the way every other Campaign has, we will absolutely saturated in "Nature" in no time!
Result!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel