Lord Noel On The Nuclear Family

What ho! Pepys...

Yesterday I assisted a sweet young local woman who needed to claim some State benefits for herself and her large family. We walked into the Benefits Office, trailed by her 15 children and naturally drew attention to ourselves. I left her to speak to the official alone whilst I stayed with the younger ones and read my newspaper and as I did so I listened to the conversation which took place.

As she reached the counter the social worker exclaimed, "are they all yours?"

"Yes, they are all mine," the frustrated mother sighed, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "sit down Terry." And all the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

"Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named Terry and the girls are all named Terri."

In disbelief, the case worker says, "are you serious? They're all named Terry?"

Their mother replied, "well, yes-it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, Terry! and when it's time for dinner, I just yell Terry! and they all come a running. And if
I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell Terry and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Terry."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles his forehead and says tentatively, "but what if you just want one child to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"Then, I just call them by their last names."

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel