I Need You!!!

Whatto!! Everyone...........


Ocassionally I feel the need to express myself in a different format!..........


....So Today I hope you enjoy reading this poem which I have lovingly prepared for you...........

........it's called "I Need You!"............

My need for you is strong..............


I think of you and my heart races...........


My body trembles, and my spirit soars...................


I try to fight the craving for you.............


But I know the cause is lost...............


I must have you again........


I fear that the world will someday know..............


About my weakness for you...............


I know that if I go to you............


For one more taste of you..........


My guilt will overcome me..................


And a heavy penance will be paid...........


But my resolve weakens and crumbles...............


I go to you, I take you and hold you..........


The wonderful smell of you fills my senses................


This is insane, why can't resist you?.............


I know that others may have had you...........


If they can pay the price.............


But my need for you overwhelms me.................


And I slowly strip you bare.................


My mouth aches for the taste of you..................


My tongue gently caresses you..................


And the flavour of you fills my mouth..................


My body relaxes and my eyes close..............


The delicious sensation rushes through my body.........................

............xxx



......Ahhhhhhh, CHOCOLATE!!!

Why?..........What did you think it was about?.............

Tallyho!

Best wishes - Lord Noel

Delightful Delia's

Whatto! Weightwatchers!!...............

This is all about a wonderful evening we had - with Delia Smith - at her splendid Norwich Restaurant..................

We met up with our lovely family who were all suitably attired for the evening...............

....looking totally gorgeous.........I'm sure you'll agree!!

We all caught a minibus together and were soon greeted and seated..........

.........with a lovely bottle of Champers!! Har!! ...............

one of my FAVOURITE tipples!!!!.............. CHEERS everyone!!..........

After some delicious Fleury wine and a magnificent array of starters came the main courses..............

.......all absolutely sumptuous!!.....................

Then the desserts!!!..............

........totally YUM!!....................

And the children even went to the trouble of arranging a wonderful chocolate and cream 'Bon Voyage' cake for myself and Lady Jacqueline.............

How thoughtful!!.........

After more wine and coffee we lined up outside for another photo opportunity!!........

I commented that this was one of those 'Extra Special' nights that you dream about as a parent..........

......where your children take you out for an expenses paid, slap-up meal somewhere swanky and treat you like Royalty!!

And it's actually happened!!

Thank you soooooooooooo much everyone for your kindness and generosity................

but mostly for just being YOU!!

We are indeed the luckiest parents alive!!

....I wondered if the 'Lady' herself would make an appearance but we still had a fantastic night without her................

.......until we were accosted by this Drunken Football supporter on the way out...........

....she was mumbling something about "Let's be 'avin' ya!"..........

...so we gave her a Gordon Ramsay ...................

.....and told her to F -ORF!! Har! Har!.................

Tallyho everyone!!

Best wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lord Noel's X Factor - 'Boot Camp' Secret Film Scoop!

What ho! Once more...................

I am lucky enough to have a number of good 'contacts' - many of whom are in influential positions all over the world............

.......and I was very pleasantly surprised when I got sent this Movie clip.............

.............which has been secretly filmed

.....................at the X Factor Boot Camp............

The picture isn't good but you can clearly hear Cheryl Cole's team reheasing hard

........................with the well known popular song 'Delilah'............

Apparently Cheryl (Wallop! by the way........) is sitting in the corner

.......................with her head in her hands................

...............crying!

It must've been quite an emotional experience!!..........

See for yourself.............

Tallyho!

Best wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Reveals - My Old School Reports

Whatto! Web watchers!

I was rummaging round in the old family vault the other day when I happened across some old school reports that I hadn't seen for years!


I must say I had a wonderful time at school - and all the other chaps in my dorm were top hole people who've gone on to take up various positions in the City and suchlike...


I suppose I could be described as somewhat of a drifter in lifes ocean...
..and from reading these reports I think there may have been some clues quite early on!.. Har!!


Maths:
"Since my last report, Lord Noel has reached rock bottom and has continued to dig. He consistently sets low standards for himslef then fails to achieve them. I calculate him to be a gross ignoramus - that's 144 times more ignorant than an ordinary ignoramus!"


Athletics:
"Despite his room temperature IQ his team would follow Lord Noel anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity".


Biology:
"I believe Lord Noel got into the gene pool whilst the lifeguard wasn't watching - I would suggest that he never be allowed to breed. In fact, if he were any more stupid, I think he would have to be watered. It's extremely hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperms to the egg".


English:
"He works well when under constant supervision or when cornered in a trap. He has clearly fallen out of the family tree and is the type of person who would be out of his depth in a small puddle".


Economics: (with the Gorgeous Miss Marshall! Wallop!!)

"If brains were taxed Lord Noel would be in line for a nice rebate! I have noticed that when he does open his mouth it seems that this is only to change whatever foot was previously in there".


Religious Instruction:
"Some students drink from the fountain of knowledge but Lord Noel merely gargles. He has delusions of adequacy and should go far - and the sooner the better".


Geography:
"This student is not the sharpest knife in the drawer - in fact I sincerely believe that he is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot".


Gymnastics:
"I believe Lord Noel to be a prime candidate for natural de-selection. In terms of fitness he is developing a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together".


Art:
"Lord Noel has a photographic memory but has his lens cover glued on. He has consistently shown that he can be as bright as Alaska ............in December!"

Actually not as bad as I remembered!

Tallyho!!

Best wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel On Women Scorned

Whattttto! Once more!

Believe it or not....There were times when I was much younger...
... when I used to consider myself something of a Playboy!

Galavanting about and generally enjoying myself....... you know the sort of thing?! What?! Har!!

Anyhow........ on occasion the filly I happened to be with at the time could sometimes take exception to my behaviour!!

I know!!....Damned unreasonable I call it!........

Anyhow.....I was lucky enough to have my Butler Smithers and he used to step in and resolve any particularly 'trying' matters...... (so to speak)..

I was reading an article recently about women in similar situations who apparently reacted 'quite badly' ......as these photographs would seem to demonstrate.............
















Tallyho!............... and take care out there all you young 'Stags'! Har!!!
Best wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel's Unusual Interview

What ho!! Everyone!.............

From time to time my 'previous experiences' in life lead me to be invited to join some rather exclusive organisations.................

Only recently I was approached and asked whether I would like to take part in a rather unusual 'Interview' which would gain me access to the 'Inner Sanctum' of a Top Secret group......

I was given minimal instructions as to when and where I should report for this task.........

and on the due date I arrived respectfully early in order to begin..........

I was ushered into an ante-room where i was introduced to a man who I shall refer to as ......... 'The Manager'..........

I was told by him that the 'Initial Interview' would require me to remove all of my clothing and valuables prior to my entry to the 'Interview suite'............

Fascinated and intrigued by the whole process and the increasing mystique surrounding the whole event...............I agreed.............

I was then led into the 'Interview suite' where I was approached by another male (The Co-ordinator) who explained the 'Rules' to me in more detail.................

He said "I understand that you wish to join us?" I nodded........and he continued "Well there is one rule you have to follow. While you are trying to join this group it is forbidden for you to get an erection." Understandably I was a little aghast at this revelation and slightly shocked, but once I had a few moments to regain my composure I realised that such a thing could well be vital......depending on the requirements of future 'missions'! I thought calmly to myself 'Well I've come this far..............and with the stress I was feeling surrounding this whole process THAT aspect shouldn't be a problem.' So I agreed..............

The co-ordinator then tied a small bell around my penis and led me into yet another room where I immediately noticed nine other men in identical attire who were clearly also trying to join.

Suddenly some soft music started and a naked woman entered the room..........

........she danced slowly and sensuously past each standing man..........

allowing each 'candidate' to feel her soft body swaying against theirs................

.......anyway the end result was that nine bells are quiet but mine is ringing away.

The 'co-ordinator' re-enters the room and I plead with him to be given another chance.........I make excuses for my reaction........... the heat of the room.......... her perfume.............the way she was dancing etc etc..........

Anyway............to my amazement he agrees! "One more chance!" he announces loudly to the whole room...............

I am pleased with his decision - not wishing to be the only failure at such an early stage.............

........then the music begins again...............

......and this time another woman enters.................. even more gorgeous than the first!!.........

She dances so provocatively!........and seems to target me as most likely prey!!............

I do everything I can to distract my mind............ thinking of Train spotting..........and Football................but as the music died down the only sound that could be heard was my solitary bell ringing yet again!!

The co-ordinator re-enters the room and walks straight up to me and says "Pick up your stuff and go. You are not fit for this organization."

I was understandably devastated! But the rules had been made clear to me from the outset...........

.........so I had to reluctantly accept his decision...........

But I also had to smile........... when I bent down to pick up my stuff...............and the other nine bells started ringing!...............

Tallyho!!

Best wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Is Happy To Hack

Whatto! and a VERY good day to you all!

Today I went out on a hack on "Dolly" - a lovely white horse. 

We went round the edges of some nearby fields together and I was in my element.

There's something very special about being out amongst Nature on a horse.
I was Hacking with two other people who were very happy 

to enjoy the whole peace and quiet of the experience.....
I love the feel of a horse under me...... the slow sway as she walks...

... the shake of her mane as she rides.....

....the way I can feel her whole body vibrate between my legs when she snorts out loudly from those massive lungs to clear her nose...

.......the sudden spurt of sheer power as she moves effortlessly into a trot, canter or gallop...

.. that distinctively earthy 'horsey' smell that comes up from her back as she warms up in the sunshine....

.. the way she glances back at me every now and then with her ears cocked - trying to weigh me up..

.... the way she stumbles and loses her footing from time to time as she walks - reminding me that she isn't a machine....

.... and the way she knew all the best route around puddles and holes.

....and I love the countryside..

....the newly turned yellow and brown leaves fluttering down from the trees like butterflies..

........the burgeoning trees and brambles with their black elderberry and blackberry fruit - ripe for collecting by anyone with energy and a basket.

...the newly ploughed fields ready now for over-wintering.....

.. and the maturing winter crops of familiar greens.

...and the bursting seed pods of the thistle..

....blowing with the cooling breeze - reminding us of an ever approaching Autumn.

I had to laugh out loud a couple of times at the lady who led ....

.. her horse kept flicking it's head and with each flick sent a huge dollop of saliva over it's head 

and straight at her!... She managed to avoid it ... most of the time!

(and I wondered why she was wearing a water-proof top!)

Tallyho!! Everyone!!............

Best wishes - Lord Noel

Lod Noel's Liquid Asset Investment Advice

Whatto!! Once more!!..........

As someone who prides themselves on trying to keep one step ahead of the Finacial markets I often complete in-depth research to ensure that the Investments I have chosen are providing the maximum amount of return for me.

It's important for me to know that I have spread the risk in order to ensure that the Inheritances that will ultimately flow to our children have been optimised fully!......

For example: If I had purchased £1000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago
they would now be worth £4.95.

With HBOS, earlier this week my £1000 would have been worth £16.50

Whilst £1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than £5.

But...

One year ago I utilised my vast expertise in World Wide Investment opportunities..

And bought £1000 worth of Tennents Lager..........

..then drank THE LOT!!

WALLOP!!

...and when I took the empty cans to an aluminium re-cycling plant..

...they gave ME £214!!

TALLYHO!!!

So.. based on the above statistics my current investment advice is..

"drink heavily and re-cycle!"

Cheers Everyone!!

Tallyho!

Best wishes - Lord Noel