What ho! Pepys....
Follow these tips and it'll seem like it's your Birthday!
1. If you're ever described as an 'under achiever' in the bedroom department simply imagine yourself as a limbo dancer.
2. Simulate your very own fantasy 'Wrestling Night' by dressing up in a pair of tight swimming trunks and have your partner boo and hiss at you while you hit them with a folding chair.
3. This is a good one to remember just in case you need to check what time it is whilst watching a porn film - always put your watch on the other wrist.
4. Are you getting sick of the endless blowjobs you are being offered by beautiful women? You can easily put an end to all of this nonesense by simply marrying one of them!
5. You can easily fool people into thinking you are a great lover by walking around shirtless after cutting scratch marks into your back with a fork.
6. Whilst engaging in the act of making love, use a previously downloaded recording of a woman having an orgasm and play it back to yourself through earphones! Satisfaction guaranteed!
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel
x x x
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