Lord Noel and Lady Jacqueline Speak Of LIPS

Hello darlings!

Today, with very little to do & having given the gardener the day orf. I purchased myself one of those "rag mags" from the local garage (I needed fuel, and the attendant was particularly slow at processing my purchase, hence my gaze drifted to the publication rack) The publication I purchased was not my normal reading material, I much prefer Vogue or Cosmopolitan, but can you believe it...they failed to stock it! Heathens!
Browsing through the cheap, tacky magazine I came across what was called a "Your Problems Answered Page". Intrigued, I read each any every "problem". One in particular caught my eye, it was titled "Help! My Lips Are Too Large!"
Can you believe it! This woman was complaining that her lips were too large! She moaned that she glanced at them close up in the mirror and found them to be "meaty" and "protruding"! Oh! How I wanted to slap this lady, she has been blessed with large, meaty, protruding lips while mine are thin and "mean"! Each morning I apply my lipstick, carefully using my lip pencil to outline just a smidging outside my natural lip line. I would DIE for big lips!
I could have smacked her husband for apparently agreeing that her lips were not only "meaty & protruding" but also "loose & flapping"!
She went on to say she had excessive hair on her lips....Lord! Now, I felt so bad, I wanted to call her myself and offer her my beauty therapist...she does a marvellous job on the upper lip.
My sympathy extended further when she mentioned she has received 6 stitches after the birth of her baby. I remembered the birth my son, I too had bitten deep into my lip, but did they give me stitches, no. I'm so pleased they did not, my lips healed with just a hint of a scar which was easily covered with make-up.
Having said that, I was particularly disappointed that they failed to stitch my Wadge and left me with whopping great, draping beef curtains.

Tallyho!