Lord Noel Says "Happy Imponderables to You!"

Whatto! Peeps.....

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERONE!



As the year of Our Lord 2010 comes to it's sticky end.......
...I find myself mulling over things which have concerned me a great deal throughout this year.....
.....such as.....
How can you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?
If it is true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
What happens when you put a light saber in water?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why are they called apartments, when they are all stuck together?
Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?
When 2 people marry, they say, "You may kiss the bride". What do they say if 2 MEN get married?
Why is vanilla ice cream white.... when vanilla extract is brown?
Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?
Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it’s not funny at all?
Do you yawn in your sleep?.... and how do you know?
Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?
How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? ...Rabbits don’t lay eggs.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Lord Noel's Weather Forecast

Whatto! Peeps......

In lovely Old Blighty ....

....we simply can't resist chatting about the bally weather....

....and it's many and varied forms!

And whilst it may have been a trifle cold of late....

...spare a thought for chaps and chapesses who live abroad!

I was delighted to have a conversation with an old friend....

....who has moved out to Siberia!

He told me "Lord Noel....out here....

.... we have to keep a very special eye out....

..... for specific cloud formations....

....which usually indicate a change in the weather....

....to something much more .....

....extreme.

A cloud such as this one above, for example....

....indicates that the weather may soon make going out....

.... very difficult indeed...

...sometimes even simple road signs.....

...can become quite difficult to read....

.....and one can find oneself 'cut orf' for quite a while....

...so if you can....

...it's a good idea to periodically check on the neighbours....

But hang on there!.....it's not all doom and gloom!

For instance.....

...the Telephone man finds that his job is made very much easier by the weather....

....and bus drivers are usually given the day orf too!...

....(so we don't rely on public transport to get about)...

.....even the chair lifts can become totally impractical....

 ....and certainly well worth avoiding.....

....unless one seeks solitude and beautiful views....

...and one has industrial strength insulated smalls.....!

But using ones own car can also have it's problems.....

....especially if you forgot to mark where you last parked it!...

....or forgot to shut that bally passenger window!

Oooops! Arf! Arf!



A friend of mine lost his car for several months in bad weather....

...and only discovered it when he went out on an Archeological dig!

Yes Lord Noel....

...out here we certainly feel the affects of old Jack Frost....

.....and his freezing cold grip.....

...is never far away!

Brrrrrrrrrrr!"

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel on The Lecture

Whatto! peeps.....

 A friend of ours was walking through Town at midnight when he was asked by a Policeman where he was going.
“I’m on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body.”
The policeman asked, “Really? And who’s going to be giving a lecture at this time of night?“
"That would be my wife” he replied.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel's Questions and Answers

Whatto! peeps.....

I hope you have all had a lovely Xmas....
...and managed to survive by using all of the various stimulants available to you.
You may have also had time to consider those many questions in life that have no answers.....
....and the few that have answers too!


Q How do crazy people get through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.

Q. How do you make holy water?
A. Boil the hell out of it.

Q. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A. Polaroids.

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.

Q. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A. A stick.

Q. What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A. Nacho Cheese.

Q. What do you call Santa's helpers?
A. Subordinate Clauses.

Q. What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
A. Quatro sinko.

Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A. A pool table.

Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.

Q. Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A. Right where you left him.

Q. Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
A. They all have phones.

Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.

Q. Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A. Because they have big fingers.

Q. What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A. The taste.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A. A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.


Hope this helps!
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel's Christmas Shopping Rules for Men

Whatto! Peeps.....

And as it's Xmas Eve..... 

A Very Merry Xmas to One and ALL!

Some of you Ladies may still be thinking about what gifts to purchase.
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
I've been sent these simple rules and apparently if you follow them....
....you should have no problems.

Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter
if he already has one. Some people own 17!
As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.
(I have one....and it's the same one I've had for years and years....
....although I often fantasise about buying a router! Mmmmmm...)

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with
the word 'ratchet' or 'socket' in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey
George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. Bye-the-way, are you through
with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" (Sounds vaguely camp to me)

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car.
A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or dice to
hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars...
...because they are utter saddos.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men
bathrobes. If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he
wouldn't have invented mankinis.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they
have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV
Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips....
....until he develops RSI.

Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it
will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.
(And Champagne and Armagnac!..
..I'm sorry but this one is complete BOLLOCKS!)

Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave
or deodorant. If they stink - they are natural and earthy...
...and easier to find in the dark.

Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere.
"Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. Wife" You get the idea.

Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required"
on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will have parts
left over and they will always remind him....
....of how much you hate him.

Rule #10:
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will
barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell
him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a Xmas
hamburger?" Salmonella anyone?

Hope this helps....you total slackers!
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel on Mind Games

Whatto! peeps....

....Lord Noel here....

"Your 

worst enemy 

cannot 

harm you 

as much 

as 

your 

own 

unguarded 

thoughts." 

-Buddha-

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Says - Xmas is Coming!

Whatto! Peeps....

Happy Solstice to you all!
One can hardly wait for Crimbo now!.....
...already the Television is full of adverts for toys and perfumes and naff Cd's that are really only good for giving away.....
.....as we are geared up nicely for another round of Festive Fun!
And the Midwinter weather is definitely bang on target.....
.....with the blanket of white snow stretching out towards us all....
...hopefully bringing the whole country to a halt in the process.....
....but not until I've had a good chant with my Pagan friends tonight.
And so this is Xmas......
(as a Beatle once sang)....
....and what have YOU done?
Let me just get my checklist.......

1. World Peace (No Tick)
Mmmmmm......might have to carry that one over to next year....again!

2. Increased Recycling (Tick)
Well I've bought a load of crap for a load of people who I'm sure will soon be sensibly disposing of it .....does that count?

3. Helping in the Recovery of the British Economy (Tick)
I'm single-handedly thrashing my credit cards so effectively and with such exquisite timing that I could easily enrol myself as a Master of some Dungeon deep in the bowels of the Bank of England

4. Spreading the Love (Tick)
Physically and spiritually I continue to spread my Love - like watered down peanut butter over the soft warm dough which comprises my friends and family.

5. Doing some good (Half Tick?)
What? Doing some good....what? How I can possibly achieve an objective which hasn't been properly formulated so it can't be measured? (Reminder to self: Scrub this one from next years list!)

6. Enter into The Festive Spirit (Big Tick)
I have decked the halls with boughs of holly, chopped yule logs to keep us warm....and most importantly.....
....restocked the bar with my favourite tipples!
Wake me up very gently on Boxing Day!

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Cooks up a Poem

Whatto! Peeps.....

Eventually Edna agreed to let him have a fiddle....

Us men are jolly difficult creatures to please sometimes aren't we?

"He didn't like my casserole

he didn't like my cake,

He said my biscuits were too hard

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right

I didn't spice his stew,

I didn't mend his socks

The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

just looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked him

Like his mother used to do".

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel On Frog Giggin' - American Style

Whatto! Peeps....

Aren't Americans wonderful?
It must be great having so many morons all living in one country, all with unfettered access to innumerable firearms.....
....and they provide us with such amusing stories!....
...for example:
"Arkansas Democrat Gazette, 25 July -  Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on state Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-giggin' trip. 
On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck's headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. A replacement fuse was not available, but Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge. 
After traveling approximately 20 miles, just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right, exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. 
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston (shot his intimate parts off) or we might have been dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how the accident happened," said Snyder. 
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife, asked "How many frogs did the boys catch?"


Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel's New Sex Position

Whatto! Peeps.......

I believe it's important to work hard to keep 

the magic alive in ones marriage....

.....so it was with great excitement 

that I rushed home today and said to my wife, 

"You'll never believe it, Lady Jacqueline, 

but I've discovered an entirely new position for
 

our lovemaking."

"Really Lord Noel?" said Lady Jacqueline interested 

at once. "What on earth is it?"

"It's called 'Back to back'." I exclaimed excitedly

"But that's crazy! We can't do anything back to back."

 ...she replied with growing concern

"Yes we can Darling!" I persisted

"Because I've persuaded.... 

....another couple to help us out!"

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel 

Lord Noel's Sensitivity Test - For Modern Men

What ho! Pepys.....

I was sent this test which measures how 'in touch with your Masculine side' you are.....
......and I was pleasantly surprised with my results!

Check out YOURS now!

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

A.  Lovemaking.

B.  Screwing.

C. Taking the pigskin bus to Tuna Town .


2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared:

A.  Your views about what you expect  from a sexual relationship.

B.  Your blood-test results.

C. Five Tequila slammers.



3. You should time your orgasm so that:

A.  Your partner climaxes first.

B. You both climax simultaneously.

C. You don't miss the Match on Sky Sports.



4.  Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

A.  Healthy, creative  love-play.

B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.

C.  Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.



5.  Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you have just had sex with is:

A.  The best part of the experience.

B. The second best part of the experience.

C. £100 extra.



6. Your  wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You should tell her that it is:

A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.

B. Not a  problem; she can join your gym.

C. A conservative estimate.


7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

A.  A myth.

B. An oxymoron.

C. A complete moron.


8.  Foreplay is to sex as:

A. An appetizer is to entree.

B. Primer is to paint.

C. A long queue is to an amusement park ride.



9.  Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself  saying at the end of a relationship?

A. I hope we can still be friends.

B. I'm not in right now; please leave a message at the beep.

C. Welcome to Dumpsville.  Population: YOU!



10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

A.  Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of  intimacy.

B. Is uptight and a waste of time.

C. Shouldn't  have sat next to you on the bus in the first place..




==================

Well?.....How did you do?

Evaluating your Results:

If you answered A more than 7  times, check your  pants to make sure you really ARE a man.

If you  answered B more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.

If you  answered C more than 7 times, YOU DA MAN!!! (Manly High 5!!)


Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel's Scam Warning

What ho! Pepys.....

Trying to hide your bum behind one of your balls will NEVER work!

Generally, I hate those warnings that keep getting sent around, but I have to admit that this one is important.

Please protect everyone you know by alerting them......
...it happened to me - so it could easily happen to ANYONE!

If someone comes to your front door and says they are conducting a survey.........
.......and asks you to show them your bum, do NOT show them your bum!......
IT IS A SCAM!!
......they only want to see your bum.

I wish I'd got this warning yesterday. 
I feel so stupid and cheap.

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel's Slogans 4 U

What ho! Pepys.....

As an Internationally reknowned raconteur and wag I am often being asked for quick witted remarks which could be used in a variety of useful situations....
....usually to amuse or repel others.....
....so here are a few to be getting on with......

Driver Carries No Cash - HE'S MARRIED!

4 Out Of 3 People have Trouble With Fractions.

DRUGS LEAD NOWHERE - But it IS the Scenic Route.

IMPOTENCE - Nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings."

The proctologist called ... they found your head!
 
Save your breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date.

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel On Killing Time

What ho! Pepys....

Three local men have just finished being tried in the City Court and, having all been found 'Guilty', it looks as though they are all heading for some time in jail. They all decided to get together in our local pub for one last drink before the sentencing date, and began talking about what they were going to take with them to keep them busy in jail.

The first man said, "I'm taking a deck of cards so I can practice doing tricks and get really good at them".

The second man said, "I'm bringing some paints and some paper so that I can pass the time away doing art".

The third man then said, "I'm taking a big box of tampons". Upon hearing this, the other two men understandably asked him "Why?".

The third man replied, "Well right here on the box it says with these things you can go swimming, horseback riding, or do anything else you want!"

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Believes Prompt Action Saves Lives

What ho! Pepys.....

I was in a splendid restaurant last night with my lovely Lady wife when suddenly a beautiful woman sitting at the bar began to cough loudly.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress.
I turned to look at her and saw the Barman handing her a glass of water whilst asking her "Can't you swallow?".
The woman signaled "No", desperately shaking her head as she continued to cough.
"Can't you breath?" he asked, looking increasingly concerned.
The woman doubled over and shook her head - clearly signalling "NO!!!"
With that, I knew it was time to take action!
Once the Oxygen supply has been cut orf from the brain it may only be seconds before unconsciousness can kick in and serious brain damage will follow!
I leapt from my seat and landing just behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, and yanked down her panties....
....then I ran my tongue expertly up and down the crack of her bum.
This action put the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and across the bar in front of her...
...and with that she gasped loudly and began to breathe again!
I turned and smiled and waved to the growing applause from the patrons within the restaurant.....
.......and I was clearly very happy with myself and the successful outcome of my prompt actions.
I swaggered proudly back to our table and took a deep, satisfying swig of my twenty five year old Cognac.
My wife (who was also clapping) said to me in admiration, "Lord Noel, I'd heard of that Hind Lick Maneuver but that's the first time I ever seen anybody doing it."
"Don't worry Lady Jacqueline" I smiled......
...."I'll teach it to you - when we get home!"

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Says "Happy Birthday to Me!"

What ho! Pepys.....

At the time - this actually looked in focus to me!

Last night we went out for a tremendous 70s Glam Rock night out to a marvelous tribute band....
...our wonderful friends all dressed up and entered into the spirit of the fun and frolics that went on and on........until about 5.30am this morning!
Then today...... after a hearty fry up I began opening up some of my lovely pressies!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes & many thanks - Lord Noel

Lord Noel's Animal Trivia

What ho! Pepys.....

Taking part in a Sheep Identity Parade is a baaaaad idea!

Todays quiz is about groups.....


A group of each of these creatures has a collective name....but what is it?
(Answers at the bottom)

1. Unicorns

2. Twelve or more cows

3. Frogs

4. Rhinos

5. Kangaroos

6. Whales

7. Ravens

8. Larks

9. Owls


 ....easy peasey?.....




...well let's see....





Answers:
1. A Blessing. 
2. A "Flink." 
3. An Army 
4. A Crash
5. A Mob 
6. A Pod
7. A Murder
8. An Exaltation
9. A Parliament

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Reports On New 'Hands On' Approach With Bra

What ho! Pepys......

Apparently a Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Oxford University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling about or bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.
At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside...
....and kicked the shit out of him!

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel's Flu Time!

What ho! Pepys....

Suffering bravely with once of the worst illnesses you can get!

Here are Ten things good about having Man Flu:

10. No one wants to come near you so you get as much peace and quiet 

    as you can handle.

9. You can legally take massive amounts of sedatives mixed with 

   other alcohol-based stimulants.

8. You realize that the guests on daytime TV shows have much worse 

   lives than you do!

7. You can get away with being rude, obnoxious and surly 

   (for a while anyway).

6. You smell like a baboon's butt and almost nobody complains 

   (maybe because they're giving you so much 'space' to recover).

5. You can shlop about the house unwashed and in your dressing gown all day 

   (developing that distinctive 'baboon butt' fragrance).

4. No matter how bad you feel, it's still better than how you felt after 

   last month's tequila 'n' gin party.....wow! That was bad!

3. Don't forget about catching up with all those Star Trek re-runs.

2. Your family pets are allowed on/in the bed (Sorry - no goldfish).

1. You get to pass a horrible virus on to those people you really dislike.

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Asks - Do You Live A Radioactive Lifestyle?

What ho! Pepsy....

As we all become much more conscious about our environment and also improving the healthiness of our lifestyles I was intersted to see just how much Radiation we are exposed to on a daily basis.......

Now unless you happen to be a Superhero most of us like to keep a healthy distance from anything emitting radiation. It's just good practise.

In fact, things emitting radiation are the source of the phrase "healthy distance." With that in mind, here are some common household items you may not realize are radioactive........ but they actually are:

Bananas

No kidding. Everyone's favorite phallic fruit is radioactive. Not because of scheming agribusiness, but because of the very potassium that makes bananas so healthy. About 0.01 percent of potassium takes the form of K-40, a radioactive isotope. Lord Noel (I hear you ask) is it any coincidence then that bananas are favoured by cyclists and that Lance Armstrong got cancer? Yes it is, you insensitive bastard.

Kitty litter

There's a lot of naturally occurring radioactive stuff in the ground. Anything coming out of the earth -- granite and clay for instance -- has a good chance of containing in trace amounts. Kitty litter is mostly clay, though the likely reason it gets singled out isn't the clay at all, but the cat. That's right, it's not the litter you should fear, but the remains of Admiral Snufflekins' last tuna dinner. The early '90s boasted two separate incidents of tripped radiation alarms at local dumps (heh) being traced to bags of used kitty litter. The kitties in question had ingested iodine-181 as a cancer treatment and were, uh, excreting radiation.

Ceramics

Not only is uranium useful for blowing things up and spawning city-hating giant lizards, it also makes an excellent pigment for pottery. Aficionados among you will already know that it's most famously found in the glazes of Fiesta Ware, particularly Fiesta Red. But uranium is all over the place in ceramics -- mostly, for reasons that would seem obvious, pre-World War II. Yet some companies still used it as recently as the 1970s, the lesson learned by Mothra evidently lost on the manufacturers of dinner plates, bathroom tiles and dentures. For the rest of you my advice is Flopppalop Weeeeee Doppalop!

Lantern mantles

Remember those old camping lantern mantles that were so fun to touch because they instantly disintegrated into dust? Well, hopefully you didn't inhale any of that dust. I'm just saying..... you might have been a lot better off just sleeping out in the open.

Watches

Contrary to the sci-fi cliché embedded like an alien in the thorax of our collective consciousness, radioactive substances don't glow in the dark. But combine, say, radium with a phosphor and paint it onto a watch dial and you've got a super-cool watch that glows basically forever -- unlike those lame ones that have to sit under a light for an hour to glow for ten minutes. You've also got a potent source of radiation strapped to your body, so if you have one of these antiques (radium was phased out by the 1960s) then do yourself and your future flipper-babies a favour and keep it away from your testicles. These days perma-glowing watches use tritium, whose weak beta particles can't make it past the watch glass. Same with night sights for guns, which use tiny glass vials of tritium gas to make the dots in which you line up your perp as you stalk your unwitting prey.....I imagine.

Smoke detectors

With help from his friends Randolph managed to cut back to 400 a day

Turns out you don't fight fire with fire, you fight it with radiation. The alpha particles emitted by americum are an integral part of the ionisation chamber used in many smoke detectors. These particles are too weak to penetrate glass, skin, or even more than a few inches of air, so unless you're foolish enough to disassemble a hundred smoke detectors for your homemade neutron gun, have no fear.

Mummy

Like all God's critters, your mum (and my Mum) contains a lot of Carbon, 0.0000000001 percent of which is radioactive carbon-14 (The radioactive bit). She's not going to be spiking any Geiger counters, but still -- "Yo Momma's radioactive!". It's not a slight, it's just a fact.

Read more here: 

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel On Cards We Didn't Buy

What ho! Pepys!....

I've been trying my hand at creative writing.....

....starting orf with verses for greetings cards.

I haven't had a reply to the ones I've sent orf to the Card Companies yet...

...but I remain hopeful!

I heard your wife has left you,

How upset you must be.

But please don't fret about it...

Coz she's moved in with me.

Congratulations to you

on your big wedding day!

We love you Dear but can't you make

your husband go away?

 I must admit of all the things

you brought into my life.

I never believed in Hell until 

you turned into my wife.

As days go by, I think about

how fortunate I am...

that you're not here beside me

to ruin every plan.

I'm miserable without you

I pine all day my Dear

It's such an awful life I live

it's almost like you're here.

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel