Lord Noel Has Compoota Naalidge

Whatto! Peeps...

Here in the countryside we pride ourselves on being 'in touch' with nature.....
....but sometimes we have to forego some of the so called 'pleasures' of modern life.
One such pleasure is alledgedly the 'Computer'.....
....most of our village has yet to be connected to the Internet!
I am lucky enough to have had a line installed.....
.....but for the rest of the locals....
....the world of computers is still somewhat alien to them...
...for example....here are a few well known 'Computer terms'......
....with their corresponding local interpretations:

COMPUTER TERMS - VILLAGE TRANSLATION:

LOG ON: Making the wood stove hotter.

LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.

MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove.

DOWNLOAD: Get the fyrwood off the truck

MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin' the farwood off the truck

FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha get from tryin to carry too much fyrwood

RAM: A male sheep

HARD DRIVE: Tryin to get home in the winter time

PROMPT: What the mail ain't in the winter time

WINDOWS: What to shut when it's cold outside

BYTE: What them mozzie flies do

CHIP: What ya have wif yer fish

MICRO CHIP: One what's left in the bottom of the frying pan

MODEM: Whatcha did to the hay fields

DOT MATRIX: Old Bob Matrix's wife

LAP TOP: Where the cat sleeps

KEYBOARD: Where ya hang the blasted tractor keys


HARDWARE: Useful stuff- like hammers 'n' nails

MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn

MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer the mouse hole


MAIN FRAME: What holds up the barn roof

SOFTWARE: Sissy clothes - like clean underpants

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel