Lord Noel Hits The Headlines!

Whatto! Pepys...

We all know how newspapers twist and turn the truth to suit themselves or their bosses...
...and here are a few examples of how Headlines can go wrong...
...and write....!


Actual Newspaper headlines..

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one 
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing 
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers 
House passes gas tax onto senate  
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan 
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung 
William Kelly was fed secretary 
Milk drinkers are turning to powder 
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted 
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water 
Farmer bill dies in house 
Iraqi head seeks arms


Intentional or...? 

Queen Mary having bottom scraped 
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes appeal to Pope 
Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over 
NJ judge to rule on nude beach 
Child's stool great for use in garden
Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors 
Soviet virgin lands short of goal again 
Organ festival ends in smashing climax


What grammar! 

Eye drops off shelf 
Squad helps dog bite victim 
Dealers will hear car talk at noon 
Enraged cow injures farmer with ax 
Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests 
Miners refuse to work after death 
Two Soviet ships collide - one dies 
Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter



 
Twisting the meaning! 

Never withhold herpes from loved one
Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984 
Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better


And stating the obvious! 

If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while 
War dims hope for peace
Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
Cold wave linked to temperatures
Child's death ruins couple's holiday
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
Man is fatally slain     
Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation


Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel