Lord Noel On Lawyer Quotes

Whatto! Pepys...

Considering how well paid they are, some Lawyers have been found to say some amusingly silly things. Here's a selection from the Courtrooms of America...

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?

A: I used to be.
Q: Isn't it true that you have recently become very unstable?
A: Yes. I think so
Q: How many times this year have you commited suicide?
A: Four times.

Q: You told the Court earlier that the Defendant broke your nose?
A: Yes that is correct.
Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
A. Yes
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: And did he kill you?
A: No.

Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
A. My brother.

Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
A: He's twenty.

Q: Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

Q: Do you have any children, or anything of that kind?

Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask if you recognize the person in the picture?
A: Yes. That's me.
Q: Were you present when this picture was taken?
A: Yes I was.
Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
A: My Husband's.
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are?
A: I'll be three months on Nov. 8.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was Aug. 8?
A: Yes.
Q: Perhaps you would be good enough to describe to the Court what were you doing at that time?

Q: So you were gone until you returned?
A: Yes I was.

Q: She had three children right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many of them were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
A: Yes.

Q: So you don't know what it was, and you don't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes
Q: And these stairs, did they also go up?

One Texas attorney, must have realised he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, when he interrupted himself and said "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

Q: Doctor do you recall the time that you examined the body of Mr. Smith?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started at about 8:30.
Q: And Mr. Jones was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why he was the subject of an autopsy!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel