Lord Noel Reports On An Alien Threat

What ho! Pepys...

Two aliens landed in the wilds of Scotland desert near an abandoned petrol station. They approached one of the pumps, and one of them said to it, "Greetings, earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
The pump, of course, didn't respond.
The alien repeated the greeting. Again, there was no response.
The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Earthling, how dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"
The other alien shouted to his comrade, "No, you mustn't anger him!" but before he finished his warning, the first alien fired.
There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the heather, where they landed in a heap. 
When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It nearly killed us! But how did you know he was so dangerous?"
"If there's one thing I've learned during all my travels through the galaxy," the other alien answered, "it's that if a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick into his own ear, don't f*ck with him!"

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel