Lord Noel And The Half Lettuce

What ho! Pepys...

I was in our local supermarket yesterday and I asked one of the assistants if they had half a head of lettuce I could buy.

A very young produce assistant told me that they sell only whole heads of lettuce but I persisted and asked to see the manager. The boy told me he'd ask his manager about it.
Walking into a back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole out there wants to buy half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find me standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and I returned to the main part of the store with my purchase.
Giving credit where it's due I said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. I like people who think on their feet. Where are you from, son?"
"Canada, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada?" I asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."
"Really?" I said, seizing the opportunity for some more fun. "My wife is from Canada."
"No sh*t?" replied the boy. "Who does she play for?"

Tallyho! Best Wishes - Lord Noel