Lord Noel on 'How to Keep a Thoughtful Person Amused for Hours'

Whatto! Thoughtful People....

The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

 You're welcome!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel on 'Moving On'

Whatto! Peeps....

I suppose we've all had relationships in the past that we found hard to let go of......
...whilst we try to forget the past on move on....
...getting on with our life...
....and enjoying all the pleasure it holds.
But sometimes it's not easy....
...especially when there are constant reminders us of how things used to be.....
....AND they keep sending you pictures on their bally iPhone!...

(You should be so lucky......lucky lucky lucky)

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Another FREE Tarot Reading by the World Reknowned Psychotic Lord Noel

Whatto! Peeps...

 Today's card is the Empress!

This signifies that an important decision needs to be made soon.....to protect your integrity!

You know that new bird who's started working down the pub?....

...(you know...the one with the blonde hair?.......and the floaty dress..... with the diamante tiara?)...

Well don't even BOTHER! For one thing she prefers 'drinking from the furry cup'....

....and for another - have you seen the size of her DILDO?!

You're Welcome!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel on the Water

Whatto! Ship mates....

When I named my new boat.....
...I just called it after the first thing I thought of....
....ME!
But having since looked around at other boat names.....
...I realise I could have been a touch more inventive....

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel says "RIP Larry"

Whatto! peeps.... 

Larry LaPrise at the height of his fame with his wife Brian and their son Timmy

In Memorium 

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, I think it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person...

...which almost went unnoticed last week.   

Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey", died peacefully at age 93.  

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.  

They put his left leg in.....  

...and then the trouble started.

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel on Retirement

Whatto! Peeps..

Working people frequently ask retired people like myself...

"Lord Noel what do you do to make your days interesting and fun?" 

...and I just say "Life is meant to be enjoyed to the full" 

For example, the other day my Lady wife and I went into town to go shopping. 

We were only in the shop for about 5 minutes and when we came out...

... a uniformed Council Official was writing out parking tickets.
I went up to him, smiling my best smile and said, "How about giving a senior citizen a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket, so I called him a "Rotter!". 

He turned and glared at me and started writing another ticket...

...this time for having worn tires. 
So my wife called him a "Blasted trollop!". 

He finished writing the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first. 

Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes....with me abusing him verbally in my own inimitable way..

...calling him a "Stench filled ass wiper!" a "Stem feeling buttock clencher!"...

... and a "Shirt-lifting fudge tunneller!"... 

And the more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote out...
Personally, we didn't care.

We came into town by bus...

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel on Supermarket Life

Whatto! Peeps...

Supermarkets are apparently the new 'place to be'....

 ....especially if you want to meet older ladies....
...otherwise known as 'Cougars'....

....these ladies prowl the aisles in search of a 'mate'...
...and can be easily identified by their copious head hair.

And if you are a fan of the 'larger woman'.....
....there are LOTS to chose from....

 These are women who have dedicated every waking moment...
....to developing themselves further than was thought humanly possible....
...and have the necessary skimpy clothing to show off their assets.

 One can see their level of dedication...
....simply from the amount of work they put into their face make-up.

 Some women are so dedicated...
...that they virtually live in these Supermarkets....

....choosing to remain close to their precious food stuffs....

....which they desperately need...
...to retain their voluptuous figures...

 Some have taken this dedication to brand new levels.....
  ...creating (through many hours of tireless effort)....

...that distinctive bodily feature known as the 'Gut Crack'...

....whilst other women can only dream of the day...
...when maybe they too will have one.

 Meanwhile...
...subliminal messages are passed surreptitiously between customers....

 ....allowing prospective 'mates' to see where their preferences lie...

...some preferring to flaunt designer ' names'...

 ...others being far less subtle...

 ...but the underlying message is certainly clear enough...

 ....and if you're lucky enough to be part of this underworld...

 ....you may meet the partner of your dreams...

....now you know where to look!
Happy Hunting!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel's Songs for the STARS!

Whatto! Peeps....

Following on from my evening on the beach chanting to our Sun....

...I have continued searching for other suitable 'Astronomical songs'....

...and have come up with the following:

We're only making plans for Rigel

Things can only get Beta

Venus in blue jeans

Tell Aurora I love her

Saturn on the dock of the bay

I won't let the sun go down on me

Remember you're a wormhole

Let's get Sirius

Strings can only get better

These Bootes were made for walking

Love will Taurus apart

Leda of the pack

Living next door to Arcturus (Arcturus! Who the f***'s Arcturus?!)

I'm forever blowing Hubble's (telescope)

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Chants at the SUN!

Whatto! Peeps....

 As the last rays of the setting Solstice sun fell on the tranquil dunes of Waxham...

 ...a familar group of like-minded people gathered together....

 ...enjoying the experience of keeping in touch with each other...

 .....fresh fruit, wine and biscuits on the sand....

 ...the sharing begins.....

 ...soon the drums softly start....

 ...and chanting soon follows....

...voices joining together with the sound of the waves...

"All the Earth is sacred...every step we take...

All the Earth is Sacred... every step we take...

unite the people - all are one all are one"

Beautiful Sunset

"Omme na Shivia...look into the fire"

"Oh great spirit....Earth wind sky and sea....

....you are inside and all around me"

"Fire flow through me...fire flow free"

"Tall trees, warm fire, warm winds, deep water....

....I feel it in my body and feed it to the source"

" I am the Goddess, I am the mother...

...all acts of love and pleasure are my ritual..."

"The rhythm of woman and the rhythm of man...

pulse of life since time began..."

...and after throwing each of our 'wishing stones' into the sea....

...and checking our 'Phase of the moon' Apps....

...we said goodbye to the sea...

...for yet another Solstice.

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel