Lord Noel on Getting Lost In Translation

Whatto! Peeps....

I was chatting online to a lovely Asian lady and she told me "More and more Chinese people like to get a First or 'Christian' name, so that we can easily communicate with westerners, if not, there is no way they can remember our name. As for Hong Kong, I think nearly 90% of the Chinese have a Christian name. Like I am Carol!!! However, our last name, which cannot be changed, is still in Mandrin. 
If we are travelling to Shanghai, Beijing, Fujian, or Taiwan, Singapore and Malaysia, some of them may not use Mandrin, they may use Cantonese, Hokkien or whatever dialect. 
The combination of our new Christian name and Chinese surname in those dialects, could mean something that is very funny." 


She gave these examples:

Anne Chang => Dirty (Mandarin)
Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin)
Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin)
Carl Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien)
Monica Cheng => Touching your buttocks (Hokkien)
Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien)
Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin)
Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien)
Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin)
Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien)
Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin)
Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)
Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)
Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien)
Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese)
Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)
Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien)
Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien)
Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese)
So we must remember to pronounce our name in different dialects and make sure it is alright before getting a Christian name."


She then told me this Chinese joke:


Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? 
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me. 
Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan! 
Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this? 
Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent. 
Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about? 
Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan has been involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital. 
Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this! 
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you? 
Operator : I'm Saw Lee. 
Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!! 


......This is what happens if you talk to westerners."




Tarryho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel