Lord Noel Explains 'Men Talk'

What ho! Pepys......

Isn't it strange how we sometimes get our words muddled up?
I was recently chatting with an old friend....
....and as we chatted, I remembered something odd which had happend to me the previous day.....
....so I told him: "You know, a funny thing happened to me yesterday at John Lewis.....
.....when I went up to be served, I saw this beautiful girl behind the counter ....

......and instead of saying, 'I'd like a pair of socks please,' ....

....I said, 'I'd like a pair of breasts please!'.....
.....she slapped me right across the face! Har! Har! Wallop!"
My friend chuckled loudly at my very amusing anecdote "Arf! Arf!" he said....
....and then he added, " Would you bally well believe it?!..
..Something very similar actually happened to me yesterday too!....
....I was sitting having a delicious dinner with my wife....
......(a succulent lamb cutlet as I recall).....

...anyway during the meal I meant to say to her....,
'Would you be a Darling and pass me the peas please?'.....

.....but what I ended up saying was...
....'I should never have married you, you ugly fat slob!'"

(He's currently sleeping in his car)

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel