Lord Noel Expalins How To Get The Most From The Man In Your Life

What ho! Pepys....

Not able or willing to wait (typical woman) until the next edition of our Parish Newspapers hits the streets.....

.....I received an irate email from a lady....

.....asking me for advice..."as a man".....

.....on how she can get her partner to behave 'differently'....

....(i.e.....more the way she wants)....

....so here are some of  LORD NOEL'S TOP TIPS from Men to Women....

...on.....

How to get the most from the Man in your life......

1. To all men the floor is an acceptable clothing storage location.

2. Never EVER!.....ask men to purchase feminine products. Most of a woman's body is completely alien to men....so you must always assume that we will come home with completely the wrong thing.

3. When watching TV hugging is always fine because men can still see the screen.....but kissing should only be done during commercial breaks.

Any questions you may have should also be severely limited to the break period when you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.

4. When men are watching 'your show' on TV and they change the channels during a commercial do not hassle men by saying things like "The Adverts are over!" and "Change the channel back!" Men always know when the timing is right...... Also, when men are channel surfing do not ask them to go back, because you can rest assured there was a very good reason why we skipped that particular Channel.

5. If you need help with the laundry, then men are more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In men's minds this is now 'half the chore done' and so we feel free to return to the couch.

6. If men mention that a male friend of theirs is going to do something 'interesting' it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.

7. If you don't like the way men drive, simply close your eyes. And men would also appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise with your mouth. We haven't hit anything yet and if we ever do it will be your fault!

8. Men go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.

9. Just tell men what you want them to wear before they get dressed. And remember that this takes men less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all we are getting dressed, not getting 'ready'.

10. Don't ask men if they prefer one of your many outfits over another, or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. Men consider this a 'no-win' situation and would rather just watch TV and wait for you to dress yourself.

11. If you want men to put the seat down when they are finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair.

.....And stop giving men a hard time about missing the bowl! What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own?!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel